So, hump it over and check out the story behind the contest and cast your vote for
Sunday, June 2, 2013
BC's Second Annual 'Coolest SOB' Contest
So, hump it over and check out the story behind the contest and cast your vote for
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Powerball Redesigned for Obama Voters
Keeping up with declining math standards in the United States and the intelligence of the low information voter , Powerball today announced it has abandoned numbers and will instead use balls painted with 59 familiar colors and shapes.
Powerball’s new, less challenging system relies on visual recognition that avoids the brain’s math-adept parietal lobe in favor of the occipital lobe, which is used for lesser functions like watching television or updating your Facebook status. As a result, participants will be no longer pick from among 59 numbers, but will instead pick from among 59 commonly recognizable shapes, plus the “Powerball” shape, which instead of being one of 35 numbers, will be one of 35 contestants from “Celebrity Dancing with the Stars.”
While individual state lotteries are considering making the switch away from numbers. Florida officials said they have always adorned their game balls with a variety of straight and curved lines, until it was pointed out to them that those were in fact numbers.
Powerball spokesman Dan Mangenis denied the change is another step toward the dumbing down of America, and insisted it be viewed as a dumbing-up of Powerball.
“The truth is, numbers are hard for the low information voter. You have to recognize them, put them in sequence, tell them apart from each other,” said Mangenis. “ I mean, we were using 59 numbers before. Fifty-nine! That’s not just one number; it’s two numbers put together – a five and a… another number.”
Lottery sales outlets also welcomed the change.
“I can’t tell you how many people came in here, handed me their cards and said their numbers matched because their card said P-o-w-e-r-b-a-l-l, too,” said Jack Portofino, who owns a convenience store in Akron, Ohio. “I had to explain that those were letters, not numbers. But the letters did match, so it was good they recognized that.”
MSNBC commentator, Rev. Al Sharpton immediately criticized the changes as racist. He called the move "just a way to disenfranchise the African American gambler." He went on to say "you don't see birds and MacDonald Signs in the ghetto. Bet you don't see Kanye West's face on no powerball ball."
Moments ago, the first drawing was held with the new system, which continues to use the term “numbers” on the theory that many players won’t be able to tell the difference. Tonight’s winning numbers are: bird, tree, smiley face, scissors, triangle, and the Powerball is Apolo Ohno.
Powerball’s new, less challenging system relies on visual recognition that avoids the brain’s math-adept parietal lobe in favor of the occipital lobe, which is used for lesser functions like watching television or updating your Facebook status. As a result, participants will be no longer pick from among 59 numbers, but will instead pick from among 59 commonly recognizable shapes, plus the “Powerball” shape, which instead of being one of 35 numbers, will be one of 35 contestants from “Celebrity Dancing with the Stars.”
While individual state lotteries are considering making the switch away from numbers. Florida officials said they have always adorned their game balls with a variety of straight and curved lines, until it was pointed out to them that those were in fact numbers.
Powerball spokesman Dan Mangenis denied the change is another step toward the dumbing down of America, and insisted it be viewed as a dumbing-up of Powerball.
“The truth is, numbers are hard for the low information voter. You have to recognize them, put them in sequence, tell them apart from each other,” said Mangenis. “ I mean, we were using 59 numbers before. Fifty-nine! That’s not just one number; it’s two numbers put together – a five and a… another number.”
Lottery sales outlets also welcomed the change.
“I can’t tell you how many people came in here, handed me their cards and said their numbers matched because their card said P-o-w-e-r-b-a-l-l, too,” said Jack Portofino, who owns a convenience store in Akron, Ohio. “I had to explain that those were letters, not numbers. But the letters did match, so it was good they recognized that.”
MSNBC commentator, Rev. Al Sharpton immediately criticized the changes as racist. He called the move "just a way to disenfranchise the African American gambler." He went on to say "you don't see birds and MacDonald Signs in the ghetto. Bet you don't see Kanye West's face on no powerball ball."
Moments ago, the first drawing was held with the new system, which continues to use the term “numbers” on the theory that many players won’t be able to tell the difference. Tonight’s winning numbers are: bird, tree, smiley face, scissors, triangle, and the Powerball is Apolo Ohno.
Matthew's Weekend Commentary
Welcome to Zimbabwe, America...
One bad apple does not spoil the whole bushel.
I do not know the origin of this phrase, and quite frankly it isn't all that important. However, it is necessary to view the events of the last five years through the prism of this quaint expression, for it is our curse to live in a day and age in which bad apples have become the norm and are hardly the exception.
When one looks at the metaphorical apples and bushels which represent the sum total of America's Obama Experience, it becomes apparent that old saw should be taken out of the lexicon, for it is now becoming a universal truism that today's seeming wisdom will, eventually, become tomorrow's stinking load of bullshit.
Strictly speaking, no decent chef on planet Earth would believe such a thing, that one rotten apple does not endanger those within close proximity. One need only a rudimentary understanding of basic food safety and hygiene (or simply watch any of Gordon Ramsey's infamous and tedious 'Save This Restaurant' mini-dramas) to know that one diseased fruit will eventually spread it's rot to another, rendering the entire batch unsuitable for consumption and poisoning all who partake of the bushel.
And although human beings are not apples, the truth of the Obama Administration has been that rot does, indeed, spread, whether we're talking fruit or people. For the Obama administration has been nothing if not a constant parade of proverbial bad apples.
It is an administration with bad apples in it's foundations, built upon the Clinton-era retreads who somehow manage to avoid jail and summary street execution. Whether it is the Hildebeest herself as Secretary of State, Rahm Emanuel as one-time Chief of Staff, or Eric Holder, the Attorney General who believes the law doesn't apply to his self-pitying self, the cavalcade of Clintonista bad apples was there from the beginning to taint whatever came after it. This should have been your first indication that something was terribly wrong.
Of course, Obama brought his own bad apples with him, too..."
* Y'all Welcome Matthew Back After
An Extended Hiatus to Work on His New Novel.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
The 2012/2013 Nominees for Diogenes' Asshat of the Year
 |
| 2011 Winner - Paul Krugman |
Another Note: I chose not to include Piers Morgan in my list as I thought it not proper to pick on such a clueless foreign dolt as Mr. Morgan. He is in a class of his own.
So without further ado, here are the nominees:
President Barack Obama: Odds on favorite and front runner. No surprise here. The “I didn’t know” community organizer in chief spoke to his Democratic liberal far left wing base, claiming there is no global war on Islamic terrorism and about closing the prison at Guantanamo Bay Cuba. This ostrich-like, head in the sand, foreign policy speech that ignores radical Islamic fanatics was given to distract attention from the Benghazi cover-up; IRS targeting conservative and Tea Party non-profit groups; and the Department of Justice persecution of Associated Press (AP)/Fox News Channel scandals. We also spot him some points for Joe Biden.
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney: He received the coveted 4-Pinocchio award from The Washington Post (not a conservative newspaper) Fact Checker on many occasions for defending the presidential scandals indicated previously. He obviously took to heart the part in the job description about becoming a professional weasel, and he's good at it. It is rumored that the maker of Viagra has inquired as to how Mr. Carney’s nose keeps getting longer each time.
Attorney General Eric Holder: A recluse who has discovered the words “I recused myself” (same as I didn’t know) when it comes to the AP/Fox News Channel scandal. Then why did the AG personally sign off on the search warrant of Fox News Channel reporter James Rosen’s emails? Let’s also not forget the Fast and Furious gun walking scandal. Mr. Holder is one of the crowning achievements of Affirmative Action.
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton: This politician who wants to be elected the first woman president in 2016 said “It was so long ago” referencing the September 11, 2012 date when the American Ambassador to Libya, an embassy staffer and two Special Forces operators were murdered. Had the worst Secretary of State in history broke a few lamps here and there around the world like she did as first lady, we wouldn't be worrying about racial Islam so much.
UN Ambassador Susan Rice: The fabricated talking points about the Benghazi Embassy Islamic terrorist attack she was given to espouse on the Sunday talk shows were a charade to hide the incompetent Obama administration’s failed Islamic terrorism policy. Her subsequent arrogance to the American people daring to question being fed a load of bullshit by the Obama administration was an act to behold. I see a future for her in soap operas.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid: Speaking from the US Senate floor he blamed a 2.4% funds sequestration for causing people to die of cancer, contract athletes foot, water turning to blood, frogs, lice, flies, livestock disease, incurable boils, hail and thunder, locusts, darkness and death of the first-born.
Senators Chuck Schumer, Al Franken and Carl Levin: This gaggle of three Senators (Snoop, clueless and Poop) wrote a letter to the IRS asking this agency to investigate non-profit tax exempt Americans for Prosperity (AFP), Tea Party groups, Republicans, Diogenes Middle Finger and other right of center groups. Non-profit progressive, liberal and left groups were conspicuously absent from their correspondence. Oops!
Ex Governor Mark Sanford: Oh my God (sorry ACLU), a Republican among all these liberal Democrats! The good news is that a US House seat in South Carolina didn’t go Democratic. The bad news is that Mark Sanford is sitting in it. However, Mark has one and a half years in Congress till November 2014 to redeem himself for committing adultery, just like former President Bill Clinton!
Ex Congressman Anthony Weiner: The former congressman, who resigned from his seat after being embroiled in an uncovered wiener related scandal two years ago, announced he’s entering the New York City (NYC) mayoral race. He also said there could be women coming forward with more emails and photos of my hot wiener, but I’m going to try to keep being focused on issues that are important to NYC. A survey of 49% of NYC voters indicates he’s gone soft and shouldn’t run!
IRS Official Lois Lerner: Invoked the Fifth Amendment to the US Constitution (not incriminating oneself) at a US House committee hearing, but not before saying in a statement that she had not done anything wrong or broken any laws. Sorry lady, you’re big mouth may have just legally screwed yourself. She had signed IRS letters improperly targeting Tea Party groups in 2012 asking them to turn over everything from printouts of their Facebook pages to the credentials of speakers who participated in their events. However, US taxpayers also got screwed as she has been suspended with pay.
Sarah Hall Ingram: Served as commissioner of the IRS office responsible for tax-exempt organizations involved in the current IRS scandal (2009 to 2012). Ms. Ingram has since left that section of the IRS and is now the director of the IRS’s “Affordable Care Act” office. Bend over and smile.
Journalist or Reverend or something, Al Sharpton: Let’s have a prayer (sorry ACLU) for both true journalists and real clergymen as Al is neither, but tries to inflame any situation by inserting himself into a news story and then asserts everything is due to “racism.” Al ordered a wiener (not Weiner) and it was served without mustard, calling the dark skinned, counter woman a racist. Al missed his calling as a ghetto used car salesman. He's so good with words.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
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