There, Fixed It For You.......

This is Chelsea. Don't Be Like Chelsea.....

The noted Social Scientist, Substance Abuse Researcher, High Ranking Foot-Soldier in the Resistance, Psychic and believed by some to be Comedian, Chelsea Handler, took to the tweeter yesterday to share her latest research on the direction of humanity and our society.

That’s not actually a Darwin quote or even a paraphrasing of his ideas and yet somehow that’s the thing that’s least wrong with this tweet. As you can see Handler says we all need to be brown or gay, or be on board with the brown or gay thing to get on the train to the future, or we are not welcome in her society and will go extinct because we are not equipped to survive like brown & gay people. I think there are about 1.4 Billion or so Chinese that may just have a real problem with her thinking....

"I’m intrigued by Handler’s command that we all need to hop on board this brown & gay thing. How do we do that? I guess people could just become gay, but I was under the impression that homosexuality was inborn and not a choice. While it would be hilarious for Chelsea Handler to try and explain this tweet, it would be infinitely funnier if she actually attempted to do what she’s telling us to do. Who wouldn’t want to see her drunk ass transform into sassy gay Jamaican or a super-butch Puerto Rican dyke? There wouldn’t be anything offensive about that because she’s a woke-ass liberal white elitist that we all know can do no wrong."

This could also all come from a drunkin' stupor, letting loose her secret fantasies of being a Kardashian mud-shark, spittin out little pick-a-ninnies everywhere.......or maybe I’m trying to read to much into this.  After all, with Handler’s substance abuse, crippling emotional distress because of DJT, and liberal lunacy, this could just be her attempt to order a pizza that got away from her.

[The Tweeter]
[Downtrend]
h/t Dallas Alice

Obama's Heralded "Painted Portrait" Looks More like a PhotoShop Job

PoonChang Olympic Update

BULLETIN- 2/12:  Despite Kim Jong Un's Ugly Sister Yo grabbing the American Media's full praise and filling their drool cups to the brim for giving VP Mike Pence the Stink Eye at the opening ceremonies, and the fact Global Warming has delayed many of the scheduled outside events due to  cold and windy conditions, this weekends real action and news took place inside on the Ice. Here are just a few highlights from this weekend:

The flamboyant Mike Pence hating gay Ice Skater, Adam Rippon, got his panties in a twist for only placing 3rd in his portion of the team competition Sunday. So good was he, his Rump Ranger commentator friend Johnnie Weir said, “Had me quaking.”  Note to Adam: Don't act more effeminate than the female skaters on the team and stop dressing like Nancy Kerrigan.....then maybe you will impress the judges, just sayin..... 

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In the women's portion of the team skating event, the sole female member of the Palestinian National Ice Team, Hadia Mohammad Tashid, shown here after her failed attempt at the first ever "Quaduple axel-backflip-triple toe loop reverse spin salchow" in ice skating competition, just after she lost her place on the ice when her Hijab slipped down over her face. The Palestinian team finish 26th, just edging out the team from Somalia.

In one of the biggest upsets of the night, the Canadians swept the Skateless Ice Dancing Pairs competition after the odds on favored World Champion Team from Spain, seen here executing their signature "Barcelona Butt Spin", scored low on style points after making uncharacteristic mistakes. 

Update: 

Although he is barred by governments from entering almost every country on the the Asian Continent, MFNS Ace Correspondent, Earl Of Taint ,has managed to sneak into South Korea to give us his first-person report from the PoonChang Olympic Games. 

Earl sent along a this excellent report complete with pictures of this weekends skating competition.

Shown here is the creepy NORK Cheer Squad cheering North Korean No Phuc Du during 5000 meter Speed Skating Team elimination finals.

Previous Olympic Updates

A Good Monday Morning

Yoh Attention Preece!

BULLETIN 2/10 - For those of you who don't do Twitter, maybe just don't have time to stay caught up on the latest from the Winter Olympic games, or like many of us who just don't want to listen to NBC coverage and the annoying voice of bubble head Katie Couric drone on in painful detail about some heroic human interest stories like a part Mandarin, part Nigerian athlete with 25 brothers and sisters, who overcame a debilitating childhood disease like infantile toe fungus to become the greatest 400 meter Ice Hurdler of all time and a hero to people of color the world over! Or maybe you just don't want to see space alien looking Tara Lipinski and her freakish flaming gay side-kick who acts like he dropped acid and raided Cindy Crawford's makeup kit and dresses like he broke into the Liberace Museum as they do their snarky commentary on ice dancing.  If you are one of those people, we are here for You!! 

In the spirit of sportsmanship, togetherness, world peace  and all that other stuff we hear so much about at this time, we at DMF will bring together all the best Olympic news in one place including periodic updates from the Korean games via one of the Far East most notable News sources and leading sports authorities on the Korean Peninsula (a favorite of Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un) The DPRK News Service ,direct from Pyongyang North Korea.  

There are  rumors that our own Middle finger News Service correspondent, Earl of Taint may even be on his way to the Korean peninsula at this very moment. We will endeavor to keep you up to date with the best Olympic news we can find because we're just like that.......

UPDATE 2/11:

Olympic Officials are looking into concerns the North Korean Bobsled team's equipment might not meet Olympic rule requirements.

Update from PyeongChang Olympic Winter Games Opening Ceremonies:

Winter olympic opening ceremony proceeds smoothly, without fires, freak electrical discharges, or animal stampedes. thanks to wise statesmanship of President Kim Yong Nam. pic.twitter.com/u8s4IQjmUT

— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) February 9, 2018

"Ice Dancing" is public display of erotic fetishes involving skates, and not true sport, leading authorities say. pic.twitter.com/qpP6NEncdC

— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) February 9, 2018

Foreigners warned: Use of internet image search for salacious "Kim Yo Jong" photographs brings heavy penalty, and moral disgrace. pic.twitter.com/cMZDuq6M5s

— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) February 10, 2018

Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

* No Tuxedos Required *

Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Chair of Music - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director

Fishnet Friday

The Gilded Monument to Journalistic Vanity Crumbles Before Us

There was a time when the American News Media was who most of the world looked to for the best example of unvarnished truth as could be had. But then came the advent of 24 Hr. news broadcast and with it the rise of the overly self-important media reporters, high payed on-air talking heads celebrities and an undeniable political bias.  So when we see such arrogant people who deem themselves higher then us because they, and they only hold the cup of truth, can we not feel a bit triumphant when they stumble and fall into a pile of their own excrement?

Standing just a half-mile from the U.S. Capitol  is the grand monument to journalistic vanity called 'The Newseum", a seven-level 470,000-square-foot grandiose palace with a facade constructed from 50 tons of Tennessee marble. It commemorates the news business with 60,000-plus baubles and artifacts from the trade. Its owner, the Freedom Forum Foundation, spent $450 million building its palace of journalism in 2008.  But the FFF has hoisted its flag of surrender in the form of a press release. The Newseum owners can no longer afford to subsidize the palace with their endowment's money, and are having to explore plans to sell the building.

Dubbed by even the Washington Post as 'A Slow Motion Disaster", for the hefty price of $24.95 a head you won't get to witness such historical media exhibits such as a 5,000 year old cuneiform clay tablet announcing Sargon I ascension to the Throne, oh no.  But what you will get to see is the Watergate break-in door, props and costumes from the movie 'Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy', a mock-up of Tim Russert’s office, posters and reporters’ notebooks from the Ferguson protests, Andy Rooney‘s typewrite, a Boston Globe reporter’s running shoes, hundreds of press passes, and for some strange reason, even Bono’s jacket, and much more.

The museum has posted an annual deficit of between 2 and 9 million a year since it opened, even as it has paid hefty salaries to its operators and top executives. But what the hey, it's Washington DC, where it's all about spending other peoples money. Right?

The only thing the Newseum really has going for it is its daily collection of front pages from around the country. Do you need a $450 million building to do that?