Saturday, September 13, 2014

NFL To Provide Training on Proper Discipline of Females

(MFN Sports) - Embattled NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is taking steps to prove the league is serious about its stance regarding physical violence against women. The first step was his recent announcement of a zero-tolerance policy, and the latest step is the implementation of a training program that will teach all league employees the proper methods and techniques for providing discipline to belligerent females.

Commissioner Goodell poses with well behaved female
Goodell confirmed that the training program will teach players, coaches and front office personnel how to respond to verbal confrontations with wives, girlfriends, and mothers, sisters, grandmothers, or anyone else who raised the player. There will also be a focus on handling prostitutes and football groupies.

“We’ll be teaching tried and true disciplinary methods, such as non-contact techniques like the ‘Crazy Eye’ as the NFL puts more effort into concussion prevention of it's players. All current NFL employees will be required to take the class, and it will also be administered every year at the Rookie Symposium.

“Our ultimate goal is to peacefully coexist with the females in our lives,” Goodell said, “The best way to do that is to allow them the illusion of female empowerment while constantly reminding them of the enormous physical superiority of men. It’s a very delicate balance.”

* NOTE TO READER: Middle Finger News is in no way making light of the serious issue of violence against women, nor are we taking a well deserved shot at the thugs, felons and NWA that permeate the sport of professional football.

In other Sports News:

Anaheim - Los Angles Angels second baseman, Juan Eckelberger  put on injured reserve list indefinitely after being hit by ball during first game of a double header with the Kansas City Royals. 

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