Wednesday, January 5, 2011

If I May Be So Bold......

As I look over my notes and scribbled post-its from the past year, I can't help but believe I was a bit remiss by not offering a little advice and insight to the Rich, Powerful and Famous of our society.  Being busy and all, I just totally forgot to give em a call. These things happen! 

So that I don't fall into that shameful pool of forgetfulness again this year, I have decided to go ahead and give them a little piece of my mind early in hope that I can help them achieve that happy and  successful new year nirvana we all strive for.
This is far from my complete list:
To President Obama: Yo Man, go pick up a leadership training course at the local Barnes and Noble or something. Blaming Republicans for your failures (and there are many) isn't the sign of a great leader. And please, get a pair of golf pants and quit wearing those friggin shorts when you play. Flip-flops and shorts ain't presidential either.....know what I'm sayin? 

To Nancy Pelosi: Take a hard look at your performance as Speaker of the House, Lady. I know what you think you did, but what you did was to alienate a lot of people, including in your own party. And your lame excuses and stupid comments ("We have to pass the bill to know what's in it.") insults the intelligence of average Americans.  But at least you got the menu changed in the House cafeteria.  

To Harry Reid: Count your blessings little man . You dodged an electoral bullet this past November and by all accounts, you haven't earned your position as Senate Majority Leader, but you survived. The next time, you may not be so lucky. Not every Republican is Sharron Angle.

To John Boehner: Congratulations to you Sir!
I ask you pay attention to the TEA Party movement and bring the Republican Party back to its small government roots. What has happened over the past two years isn't a fluke. Believe me on this one.

To Sarah Palin: Not a fan, don't think you're a winner. are probably the most valuable conservative since Regan and can be a King and Queen maker if you choose. With people from both sides attacking you, learn to pick your battles.  You don't have to respond to them all. Most of the attacks are nonsense anyway. And, if you ever decide to go cougar, I'll be the first in line!

To George Soros: Hope you resolve to spend more of your money trying to take down Glenn Beck. That way you lose even more money on another futile effort, of which you seemed to enjoy doing these days. I hear land is really cheap around the Mexican border nowadays.

To Lady Gaga: I know I speak for a lot of people when I say, we've seen all this before and you really should apologize to  Madonna for stealing her her shtick, circa 1990. 

To Sean Hannity, Dude, expand your horizons to pick up more than six basic talking points to repeat every day and to use other guests than your usual ten who you seem to have on every week for one reason or another. Seriously. 

To the MSNBC network: Just kept doing what you're doing. 
It won't be long now!

To Janet Napolitano: Why you are the Secretary of anything is beyond me! You couldn't even secure the borders of your own state as governor.....and sending DHS agents to the Gulf Coast to oversee the oil spill? Lady, you're a long way from competent. Read the Constitution. It clearly states what your first duty to do is.

To Joy Behar: I never thought anyone could make Roseanne Barr sound intelligent, till you came along. Hey, you and Alec Baldwin should run for King and Queen of NY. Watching you trying to keep a crown planted on that pointed head of yours would be more entertaining than anything your involved in now!

To America's enemies around the world: Remember, we have an election coming up in 2 years, and if current trends continue, you won't have Obama helping you by being incompetent.

To America's allies around the world:  Remember, we have an election coming up in 2 years, and if current trends continue, you won't have to put up with Obama's incompetence for much longer..........We apologize for the inconvenience. 


  1. So well said, DS. Standing ovation.

  2. DS, you seem to be a roll. You have raised your game to a higher and more consistent level of above average political parody and commentary. Iowahawk better watch out. You appear to be gaining on him and that's saying a lot. Keep it up.

    BTW, I like how you characterized Sarah Palin and what her role can and probably should be. I like to think of her as the tip of the spear to attack liberals at every turn that is to her and Republicans advantage. I agree with you that it is not necessary for her to respond to every attack upon herself, conservatives or Republicans in general.

  3. Thank You, Robert. You're very generous with your praise. Just being mentioned in the same sentence with Iowahawk is a uplift. But I really don't think he has much to worry about from me. He is every poli-satirist hero!

  4. And THANK YOU Mr.Vanderleun.

    It's is indeed an honor to be quoted on American Digest!