Saturday, April 7, 2012

Rosie O'Donnell Barred from MLB Parks


Chicago  - Coming close on the heels of  her much ballyhooed television talk show being canceled on the Oprah Winfrey's Cable Network, today Rosie O'Donnell was ejected from the first game of a Chicago Cubs Double header.

Seven people were treated for minor injuries and nineteen others treated for severe nausea after Ms. O'Donnell stood up during the 7th inning stretch, turned and flashed the crowd seated behind her box seat.  A loud gasp, then screams came from behind the first base dugout as people enjoyed the break in action.


Bob Glob , a season ticket holder for the past 21 years said " in all my days I have never seen anything that hideous displayed at a ball park since Rosanne Barr grabbed her nuts after screeching the National Anthem. Shit man, there were people yelling and running in all directions....puke flying everywhere." Tammie  Trimmer of near by Watson City said "it was the grossest thing  you can imagine. I broke out in a cold sweat and thought I was going to pass out. My little boy was screaming "is it over mommy.. make it go away!" He's traumatized and may have to seek professional help when he grows up."

Most fans were still too sick to speak to us , but  Henry Tumanela of south side Chicago told us "I spent two tours in Nam and saw some pretty scary stuff..but never like today when she opened up her coat. I'm still shaking and my vision has been blurred every since I looked in her direction."

A Major League spokesman said it unfortunate we have to bar Ms. O'Donnell from MLB parks but people who come to the ballpark to enjoy America's Great Past Time don't expect to be visually assaulted and puke up their $160.00 of refreshments from our full service concession stands conveniently located around the park.

Visiting pitcher, Juan Greenberg of the Minnesota Twins told us " Hell, I was about to climb up in the stands and throw the bitch out myself for thumping peanuts at me in the dugout and screaming that Madonna can throw harder then I can!"
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