Friday, August 30, 2013

Obama Administration New Excuse for Failing Economy: Cat Videos

by Alyson Durden
A new report issued by the White House Council of Economic Advisors has a new culprit for the sluggish US economy, and their findings have caused shockwaves across the Internet. According to their report “Kitties are killing the American dream,” the housing bubble had little to do with the “Great Recession,” but rather the nation’s obsession with cute cat videos was the cause.

“In 2007, the world saw a great surge in the number of videos featuring cats on the Internet. In fact, that was the year, we saw people move away from using it for pornography and more to watch these inane videos of cats doing everything from playing musical instruments to chasing bears, it’s been ridiculous,” said famed economist Dr. Jeffrey Sachs. “The loss in productivity that resulted from millions of people watching these videos caused great distress and cost US businesses billions of dollars. They, in turn, laid workers off. The workers watched and looked for more cat videos, which they sent to friends who were working but stopped what they were doing to watch the videos causing US businesses to lose even more money and lay more people off... you can see where this was going.”

The American Society for Cat Lovers (ASCL) disputed the findings and accused the Obama Administration of promoting a “pro-dog” agenda. “Are there any cats in the White House? No! And now there’s a second dog? This is not about the economy, but an anti-cat agenda,” Said Cathy Levine, President of the ASCL. “We’re not all crazy.”

Other experts agreed, noting that the website Buzzfeed has contributed to economic decline in the US. Former Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill told  MFNS, “The more people watch cat videos, the less work they do. It’s just that simple.”

1 comment:

  1. Okay, okay you've outed me. I am a secret closet Cat Video watcher.

    I read this post and I LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!