Saturday, April 2, 2016

Breaking: Spokesperson From Progressive Insurance Detained By Trump Security

MFNS -Trump Tower N.Y. - After in-house security this morning found all the elevators in the Trump Tower apartments plastered with 'Bernie Sanders 2016' posters, MFNS has learned a few hours ago the actress from the Progressive commercials, Flo, was bodily dragged from her palatial apartment on the 16th floor of the Trump Towers and escorted off the premises to an undisclosed location.

Donald Trump is calling Flo a “person of interest in the case,” but has yet to explain why he plans to detain her indefinitely.
“Look, this is covered in the Patriot Act and I am the number one acting patriot.”  
Donald Trump also told reporters: 
“I'm not saying she's guilty, but she's very progressive. She's very progressive. She wears the word on her shirt, even when she's not on camera she wears it on her shirt. So is she worth questioning? I think she is, which is why she was detained by my people. Don't worry, I have the best people on this. I have Great people working for me. Tremendous people. They will get the truth out of her, one way or another." 
We were also able to learn Flo was able to get a message to the Amnesty International, but it was mostly garbled gasps for air with intermittent spitting sounds. When we contacted the Bernie Sanders Campaign headquarters about the posters, they denied any involvement and declined any further comment, but hilarious laughter was heard in the background. 

The Geico gecko, Benito Juarez, formerly known as the 'Frito Bandito' and the guys from the Sonic commercials are all publicly demanding her immediate release.