Saturday, May 14, 2016

Protect Yourself From Hillary: You Too Can Have the Brain Force of Alex Jones and Roger Stone

We all realize we live in dangerous times, and we are reminded daily by the Tinfoil Hat brigades that conspiracies lurk around ever corner. And former Richard Nixon dirty trickster and super-important truth-teller Roger Stone wants America to know that he’s ready for anything Hillary Clinton is personally planning to throw at him, because this isn’t his first dance and he knows the Clinton Mafia likes to play rough. 

Like that time they totally killed JFK Jr. by blowing up his plane and miraculously making the wreckage look like it hit the water intact. So it should be no surprise that Stone, in an interview Thursday with the self confessed late night cockroach assassin on Alex Jones' Fantasy Internet Fest, warned Hillary Clinton: If she comes at the King, she'd best not miss. 

Stone, a man who is so tough that he has a tattoo of Richard Nixon between his shoulder blades, is a man who laughs at danger, but that does not mean he doesn't take precautions (not that he'd ever compromise Tactical Ops by providing any details of course). Noting that “My security people asked me not to talk about it,” Stone allowed as how he has indeed “increased my personal security and that around my home,” since he's well aware “the Clintons have a track record of having people commit suicide. 

We have no doubt he sleeps with a machete, plus maybe a shiv made out of a human femur. Nevertheless, knowing that his life is in peril every moment, he offered this warning not to believe the Clinton lie machine if something should happen to him:
"Alex. If in a couple weeks they tell you that I committed suicide because I was depressed, or if I get hit by a truck crossing the street, or if they tell you I was killed in a freak hunting accident, don’t believe it. Hillary Clinton’s the major perp and she needs to be exposed.  I’m in perfectly good health, I’m in a great mood. I am working 18-hour days.......I’m gonna be honest with you. I wouldn’t make it without Brain Force. I went online, I bought some Brain Force. I pop those in the morning, I pop those at night, I get four, five hours more work!"   
The “Hillary’s gonna kill me” stuff was a perfect segue to a glowing endorsement for Alex Jones’s tremendous nutritional supplement scam pills, which promise to help you “Flip the switch and supercharge your state of mind,” because Brain Force is “the next generation of neural activation.” Only $29.95 for 30 capsules! (Daily dosage: 2 capsules a day) Better get you some Brain Force capsules so YOU won’t be caught off guard by the Clinton Death Machine! [Machete sold separately]

Somehow, thinking of a bunch of Alex Jones fans sending him money for BRAIN FORCE pills to enhance their neurons (already protected by tinfoil hats) gives us a warm peppy glow that’s sure to take us through the weekend. And at no cost whatsoever!