Sunday, September 18, 2016

Hillary Goes After the Disaffected Millenial Vote

MFNS - After having to fend off rumors of a health collapse, sinking poll numbers, losing support in swing states, ever increasing unpopularity in her home state, and fearing that her popularity among young voters has fallen to a critically low, Hillary Clinton this weekend adopted a "new look" to appeal to millennials in New York City who are describe as suffering from angst and alienation.

Speaking before the 24th Annual Goth Fest & Marilyn Manson Makeup Convention,  Clinton showcased her new look at the event on Saturday  dressed in an Edwardian corset, a lacy black dress, knee-high studded boots and a variety of occult jewelry.  A spokesperson for the Clinton 2016 campaign insists that while the transformation may appear to be a cheap political stunt, it actually reflects the candidate's deepest and until recently, most secret beliefs.

"We are hemorrhaging support to that [expletive] Trump so we put drab ol’ Hillary in front of a mirror and asked ourselves some really tough questions, like if her style really speaks to today’s disaffected youth," said A. Hola, a longtime Clinton strategist who, as a high school student in the early 1990s, wore only black and went by the name Raven. 

Clinton told her audience: 
"Look around, my fellow Americans, and you’ll see that everything is in a state of decay The only certainty in life is death, and it is death we must espouse if we are to live fully. I say it’s time for a new political aesthetic, that we find beauty in the macabre. If you elect me as president, I’ll paint the White House black.  Visiting heads of state will be forced to confront their own mortality. Instead of backing down from Russian president Vladimir Putin at a UN summit, I’ll present him with the skull of a beloved Victorian poet.”
Donald Trump, he's dead, but he doesn't even know it yet. Even worse, he is mundane. He bores me.
And long before I was a grandmother in a lime-green pantsuit building up my foreign policy credentials, I was an angry young outsider who despised the conformity of my peers. Few know this, but while living in the Arkansas Governor’s Mansion in the 1980s, I was a prolific writer of Anne Rice fan fiction, and I used to dye my hair black until Bill told me it was unbecoming." 
When asked what advantage she has over her Republican rival, Clinton pointed to the two terms she served in the Senate, experience she gained while heading the State Department, and her mint-condition collection of all 13 albums released by The Cure.