Saturday, January 28, 2017

House Chamber Temporarily Evacuated

MFNS-WASHINGTON - Late Friday night near panic struck the Chamber of the House of Representatives during a debate before those present of a bill sponsored by democrats for federal funding the construction of "Transgender Only Driving Lines" within California's Federal Highway system. The bill was Sponsored by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal.) 

The debate was interrupted when House Speaker Paul Ryan notice Pelosi, at the dais at the time, head began to violently quiver from side to side. Middle Finger News Congressional Correspondent, Ima Gonagetu spoke to Speaker Ryan after the incident:
"I knew something was wrong when Minority Leader Pelosi began slurring her words and her face began to contort and could hear a metallic popping sound...... and then heard the House Clerk scream and saw blood running down her forearm as she passed out and fell face first onto her desk....... I yelled THERE SHE BLOWS and headed for the door....."
What many who worked closely with Pelosi over the years feared would someday happen, happened. The permanent metal staples from her many massive face-lifts had begun to let loose. There was shrapnel in the air.

Along with the House Clerk, the august Rep. John Lewis (D-Ga.) also sustained a flying staple injury on the cheek. 

"I'm Okay. I feel honored to have shed blood in this hallowed hall in an honorable cause for our Transgendered citizens honored as when I got my head bashed in with a brick during the Civil Rights movement." 
The few in congress who were there ignoring Pelosi's speech ducked under their desk for cover while others ran for the door. Many of the members later found metal staples lodge in the back of their suit coats.

One such Congressman was Rep. Bullet-Head Elijah Cummings (D-Md.) who told us of his harrowing experience: 
"There was fear in the air when everyone realized what was going on. I hadn't been that scared since last time I walked through my district after dark! It was scary!" 
Minority Leader Pelosi was restrained and removed from the House floor, later to be spotted exiting an unmarked van at Walter Reed Army Hospital with a large Walmart bag over her head.