Maison de Diogène 11:00 PM
I knew it was going to be serious, Bernie combed his hair.
But let me first say, I spent 3 hours trying to get a simple warranty return done on my phone, and after that, I just wanted to see blood. So my mood may color my analysis a tiny bit. I also missed a short segment about midway in the debate to go outside for some air after feeling like I was about to stab myself in the thigh with my pen.
Really, I do wish the dems would stop pretending that we don't know they're all talkin' crazy! It's a widely-documented phenomenon that most of us have personally observed!
Some pundits tomorrow may say that it was unsporting for Lizzy Warren to kick off this debate by ripping Mike Bloomberg’s arm off and using it to punch him in the face, but I respectfully disagree. Like a ninja dancing across the tops of the bamboo forest all crouching tiger-like, she personally ripping Bloomberg's face off his skull like an angry bear, then fed Mini Mike into a wood chipper feet first. Lizzy pandered a lot, we need more Mexcans, and Black people are wonderful. She could have been a lot less shrill, smiled more and wore something else besides THAT FREAKIN' PURPLE JACKET! At least she wasn't dancing.
Mayor Mini Mike: Move over bitches, I'm the bestest. Two minutes in, Bloomberg's mouth is saying words but his eyes scream "MAYDAY". An hour in, after his fellow debaters barrages of left jabs, MSNBC cut to commercial so nobody could see Bloomberg’s cut man rushing out with a bucket and an ice pack. I'm just assuming everyone in the Bloomberg campaign is cashing those checks and that's literally it. Because this performance is exactly as expected. He did manage to get one of the best lines of the night in on Bernie, "Best known socialist in the country is a millionaire who owns three homes".
Then there's Joe Biden: God help me, I'm starting to feel a little sorry for the bastard. Joe says I've done everything, with everybody, and I was Obama's VP, have you forgotten? Just how quickly would you be blind, stinking drunk if you only drank when Biden mentioned Obama? Joe seems to avoid completing sentences like there's a land mine waiting at the end of them.....now Joe’s gettin’ all pissy about trying to get a word in edgewise........ Quit YELLING AT ME Joe........... Now Joe is ranting incoherently about Chinese coal.....
Senator Amy Kolbe..uh...the Lady from Minnesota: Amy is opposed to Mexican drug cartels. That's Edgy! There's something about Amy Klobu... that just pisses me off. Maybe it's that she reminds me so much of one of the Sisters in my Catholic Girls School. She was a Bitch......Someone should tell Amy not to tell jokes, humor isn't her thing. She says we need more mexcans and she has a vagina so she gets things done....... Uh Oh, I left the room and now Senator Amy looks like she wants to take Mayor Pete over her knee. Don't make her grab a switch, young man.......Pete just compared Amy to Walter Mondale. OH, IT ON NOW!! Amy strikes back. "Get your fact straight, PocketProtector!" She's about to stab him in the neck with that pen. Her mouth is smiling, her eyes speak murder....... I think maybe Amy's gonna jump him in the alley after this and shiv him with her comb fork. A woman's righteous fire is terrifying to the weak.
Mayor Pete: Thought it was kinda cute of him to not shave for a week to get that 5 o'clock shadow to make him look older. Pete kindly reminded both Mayor Mini Mike and Senator Bernie that at least he was a real democrat. Pete pointed out to Bernie that he and his brown shirt Bernie Bros. are extremely polarizing.......Bernie inturn totally denied his supporters are assholes. After listening to the curmudgeon Bernie, Pete sounded like he is about 15. Pete tells us we need more mexcans.......It is thoroughly hilarious watching Buttigieg go after US Senators for not doing enough, then puff up the importance of small-time mayors. Pete's Mom must be proud. I bet she still beams about that essay contest he won and that the ribbon's still on the fridge.
Bernie: Off with their heads!! Bernie gets red in the face every time he speaks. I mean yells. Bernie flushed as he screamed at that meddling kid, Pete, from down the street. Bernie denies being a commie, then proceeds to lay out his authoritarian revolution. Bernie tells us if we don't deal with climate change, Nevada will become mostly a desert!.....Either I'm stoned or Bernie just answered a question about what he would say to millions of the proletariat who are about to lose their jobs as he destroys whole industries in the name of climate change, and his answer had a subtext of "They should be happy with being sacrifices for the future!" But Bernie will never become president because he's f**king crazy, and WHO WANTS TO BE YELLED AT FOR FOUR YEARS.
In the final analysis, what this debate did was again illustrate just how appallingly bankrupt and philosophically broken the democrat party really is.