from the dank archives of Middle Finger News Service - June 2017
CNN2 - After blaming the Russians, WIKI Leaks, Trump Operatives, the DNC, her Campaign Staff, Tweeter, Facebook, Climate Change and Tree Fungus for her unexpected defeat in November, Hillary Clinton again Thursday skirted her own blame by pointing a crooked arthritic finger at the up and coming Media Giant 'Middle Finger News Service' and it's Corporate Owner, Diogenes Middle Finger.com Inc.
Speaking Thursday during a gathering of the 'Dental Floss Farmers of America' convention, Mrs. Clinton fired both barrels at the respected news organization as she became visibly upset:
"I took great care to warn my replacement as Secretary of State, Senator John Kerry, about this vicious bunch at Middle Finger News, who he later labeled "Unamerican, Uncosmopolitan, Despicable Hooligans" after his own personal experiences with them.
I directly blame them, in all confidence, for playing a large part in my ......*BURP*.... election loss for the false and totally unfair portrayal of me to the American electorate.
Especially that elusive witch who goes by the name Diogenes and her cohort.... that smartass Earl of Taint, both for their vicious satire and distorted imagery of me as a Drunken, Bumbling, Bloated, Radical Grandmother and Crime Family Boss with one foot in the grave. They make a mockery of the First Amendment!
It's a G** D*** good thing for the whole bunch of them that I didn't get elected!!!"...... Those Rat Bastards are gonna pay!!........You HEAR ME!!!!!....YOU'RE GOIN DOWN!!!
Shaking violently, Mrs. Clinton began repeatedly banging her head on the podium, breaking down in tears and a raging coughing fit, having to be helped off and attended to backstage.
When CNN contacted the offices of Middle Finger News Service about the statement by Clinton, an unnamed MFNS spokesman refused comment, but the newsroom was heard in the background to break out in uproarious laughter.
When our reporter informed the spokesman he had never heard of Middle Finger News Service before, the spokesman laughed and responded "Don't get out much do ya Skippy? Shit, Go ask Anderson Cooper, we made him cry too!"