Real Leaders Never Quit, Liz—Take It From Us Democrats

Op-Ed by "Anonymous Former Democratic Strategist Not Named James Carville"

What were you thinking, Liz? You quit being prime minister of the UK just because you were a colossal failure? Where’s the logic in that?

In a REAL Democracy, like the one we have here in the United States, Democrat leaders NEVER resign under any circumstances, even if they’ve been caught failing, cheating, or don't have all their mental capacities.

We in the savior Democrat party have had politicians who have openly run epic grifting operation while Secretary of State, who sent pallets with billions of dollars to our enemies, who abused girlfriends and wives, weaponized the nations highest law enforcement agency to spy on journalist, weaponized the IRS against rival political parties. Who rigged election results, trafficked illegal alien minor children while turning a blind eye to historic drug trafficking that's has killed more Americans than the 20 years of the war on terror.  I could go on.....  

The point is, you name it, we’ve done it. But so what? That’s no reason for any of us to resign.

In America, egregious wrongdoings are just a golden opportunity to flood our constituents’ inboxes with pleas for money. Allow us to explain how that works: We do something terrible, and then when someone points it out, we defend ourselves against “slander” and fight back against disgusting rightwing “lies.”

 You see, Liz? When you’re a democrat, they not only let you do it, they reward you for it. Spreading lies and misinformation is just a means to rake in some sweet dollars. Screaming about "Guns" and "Women's Healthcare" (as we call it) is simply a time-honored democrat way to cash in. We’re not joking here — please sign up for our mailing list and see for yourself. Also, remember to give us money every time we do something appalling.  

But with a reliable base of low info voters ensuring that Democrats retain power in any district dominated by a major city containing large concentrations of black folk and suburban wine-box Lindas, there’s absolutely no reason for any Democrat politician ever to be held accountable again, unless they spill the beans about our secret orgies, that is. It’s a win-win situation for Democrats, Liz, whereas you clearly lost. 

It’s a perfect system for us Leftist politicians who can fail, cheat and steal and never have to worry about our jobs. And I think we can all agree that it’s a far better system than the one you have in the UK, where a PM has to give in to a uppity patriarchal mob and resign when they’re a total and abject failure.

Anyway, it’s over now, Liz. You’re not going to be prime minister anymore, and it’s all because you were a terrible prime minister, which is such a silly reason. Maybe you should be more like us.