Sunday, November 6, 2016

An Open Letter From Anthony Weiner

From Somewhere inside the Witness Protection Program:

Hey everyone, I just wanted to apologize about inadvertently providing the FBI with new evidence for the investigation into Hillary Clinton and her private server. Director Comey obviously has a personal agenda, but still, I hope that nothing bad results from all this, like someone who just last week was being crowned winner of the presidential race actually losing. I just feel really, really awful about this. Can you imagine if I’m forever known as the dolt who unwittingly got Donald Trump elected? The shame will literally destroy me. I’ll have nothing left to live for, except the off chance that some young coed who’s never heard of Weinergate will send me a Whatsapp message asking for a photo of my package.

Yikes! Pardon me, seriously. I’m under a lot of stress. You know, it’s just that the whole country, no, the whole world, really sees me as some sort of huge doofus, the type of monumental klutz who single-handedly brings down a billion-dollar presidential campaign. I’m sure everyone is really pissed off at me. And they’re right to be angry. You know, in times like these we have to take a moment to step back and smile. Want to see something cute? It’s a picture of a baby elephant trunk. Look, I’ve got it right here on my phone.

Doh! Please forgive me. It’s not my fault. Contrary to what’s been said in the media, I don’t enjoy this, all these articles and news reports characterizing me as some kind of incurable exhibitionist. Honestly, I don’t like being the focus of so much attention. I don’t want everyone looking at me. Just one special NYU poli sci major with whom I’ve been chatting. Are you reading this, Amanda Zamarra? Check your inbox for a message with a huge attachment.

 Seriously, I didn’t grow up thinking one day I’d marry the top aide to the first female presidential candidate for a major party, then screw it all up by sexting with an underaged teen and getting caught. No, believe it or not, I had other things on my mind when I was young. Sports, for example. Just look at this picture in my high school yearbook, there I am with the swim team. Can you see the ol’ wiener through my speedos?

Oh man, there I go again. Would someone please kindly give me some more medication? And if you don’t mind, just tell me how good I look in these jockey shorts?

Sincerely, Carlos Danger  A. Weiner
(help me!)

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

* No Tuxedos Required *

Brought to You By BLUESJUNKY - Honorary Chair of Music - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director

Friday, November 4, 2016

And Their Eyes Shall Gaze Upon Death Valley

I heard a statement uttered recently by the only sports analyst I ever pay much attention to, former LSU Tiger and All-Pro Dallas Cowboy Defense End,  Marcus Spears, who said: "You don't know how good of a Football Team you are till you play Alabama". This is a statement that pretty much could be applied to most of the last 50 years of college football. And now it's coach Ed Orgeron's time to take the test.

Saturday night The Defending National Champion Alabama Crimson Tide come to Baton Rouge to battle the resurgent LSU Tigers in what has in the last decades taken on the trappings of a rivalry that is quickly coming to overshadow almost all others in college football, and almost always has SEC championship implication. In 6 of the last 13 years the winner of this contest has gone on to become NCAA Football National Champion. The two teams hold the rare distinction as the only conference divisions foes (SEC WEST) to ever play each other for a National Championship (Jan. 2012). 

The Tide has won the last 2 contest in Tiger stadium, and 4 straight regular season meetings. With few exceptions, these are traditionally close, hard fought defensive battles. 

This year the Tide comes in undisputed #1 in the nation riding a 20 game win streak, with an amazing true freshman QB at the helm and the highest scoring defense in the country, who will kill you with your mistakes.

The Tigers take the field in the midst of a new era, a renewed spirit and a resurgent offensive, and a defense that has in the last 3 weeks shutdown 3 of the top passing attacks in the college football, and has given up the fewest TD's in the nation (8).  Both team's run game is their bread and butter, and both defenses total have only allowed 6 runs of 20+ yards this season.

But unlike last year, this will not be a game played in a phone booth. Both teams  possess  big play ability and elite defenses.  I think it may come down to who makes the fewest mistakes, and on QB play.  And I'm sure Nick Saban, who understands very well by once possessing the advantage of the hostile environment of Tiger Stadium in his years as coach of LSU, has schooled his freshman Quarterback well. If not, he won't be the first young QB to be rattled by his baptism in Death Valley.

Can the 2016 Tigers hang with the Crimson Tide for 60 minutes? I have faith they can.  And let's not forget that old saying, "When the mighty fall, they fall mightily."

And as has become our tradition of a friendly wager on the game, I and my Fellow Blogger, Friend and SEC Sister Curmudgeon, the most devoted Crimson Tide Fan I've ever Known, will donate our wager to the worthy cause of the Shriners Hospitals for Children this year.

For almost 100 years, the Shriner's Children's Hospitials have helped more than 1.3 million children with severe burns and birth defects, receive life-changing care, regardless of a family's ability to pay.  

We both encourage you to join us, and give a Christmas Gift of a donation to this life changing worthy cause.

And now, after all the hype, and all the sports monkey expert's prognostications, there's not much more to say that hasn't already been said except: 

Buckle your seat belts boys and girls.
The Tigers and The Tide Are Gonna Play Some Football!


Hillary Drawing Larger Crowds.....

Collate the FBI reopened investigation, WikiLeaks Podesta trove, revelations about the Clinton Foundation, the e-mail-server scandal, the DNC disclosures, and the various off-the-cuff campaign remarks of Bill and Hillary Clinton, and one then ponders what was the point of the Clinton shakedowns, the loss of reputation, the crude lawbreaking, as they neared their seventh decade. To paraphrase Barack Obama, in his progressive sermonizing on making enough money, did the two ever think they had enough money, enough honors, enough power already?

Thursday, November 3, 2016

The Single Most Interesting WikiLeaks Email Release Yet

The Coming Clinton Downfall

excerpts from Chateau Heartiste:
"The Clinton Machine is about to be decommissioned. This is true even if she manages to steal a win on Nov 8. Investigations into her criminal misdeeds will dog her for the life of her time in power (not long). The lid is about to blow on the Clintons’ long history of corrupt pay-for-play dealings that they have been able to conceal from the public for so long because they have had a compliant and friendly media to shield them from exposure.
Thanks to the alt-right, scattered shitlord uprisings, and the Golden Don, the media’s suppression of the truth about the Clinton crime syndicate is unraveling before our eyes. The rabbits are scurrying everywhere and anywhere they can find shelter from the wolf’s slashing teeth......"
And what of her Girl Friday, Huma?
"I laugh whenever I see Huma’s Vedic mug.  She’s the type of craven creature that can only come to exist in a late-era, openly distressed bureaucracy. Nakedly power hungry, Machiavellian, completely indifferent to the struggles of the Historic American Nation. Just a wicked, black-eyed, soulless political climber who happens to be one of the most powerful advisors in the world. 
Do you think she has the interests of the farmer in Kansas foremost in her mind? Does she get a patriotic rush when poring over America’s storied history or take pride upon hearing a a perfect pitch rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner?  
She is the portrait of a globalized, hostile elite.  Unelected, unaccountable, and completely alien to the people of the nation she “represents”.  A doll-eyed technocrat married to a human penis who peddles influence at the expense of the American people. The ultimate betrayal of the white man’s trusting nature by scheming middle managerial minorities distilled into a single HUMAn being......"

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

And the Witch Screeches: Trump supporters are 'dark, divisive, dangerous' people in need of 'interventions'

"I suspect that, somewhere in the cancerous bowels of Clinton campaign HQ, there are some ugly internal polling numbers. The candidate, and her surrogates, are starting to sound scared - the kind of "scared" you hear from people who thought something was in the bag, only to have the rug pulled out from under them at the last minute." - Robert Laurie

John Kerry Calls Election ‘downright embarrassing.’ Twitter Promptly Burns Him to a Crisp.....

The Earl of Ketchup / Duke of Heinz, Secretary of State and failed candidate for president John Kerry is upset about the 2016 election cycle.  On NBC Nightly News, Kerry revealed his sadness of perceptions of the election overseas by noting “There are moments when it is downright embarrassing.” (as if we should really care what people who wish they were us think).

NBC tweeted out his comment and as soon as the tweet went live , he was trounced for his own actions that made a mockery of America and reminded he himself had a hand in making America look absurd.  Here's just a sample:

Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

James Caville Goes Full Retard in Defense of Hillary

Calls reopened Clinton Probe an 'Attack' on American
Democracy in MSNBC Tantrum

On Behalf of the Citizens of the Great State of Louisiana
We Apologize for Leaving the Backdoor Unlocked and 
Letting This Crazy Cajun Loose on the Nation
James Carville, democrat strategist and one of the engineers of Bill Clinton's unseating of a sitting President may be the first Clinton surrogate to have officially publicly lose his mind over the FBI’s decision to reopen its investigation into Clinton’s private email scandal, insisting the  FBI, GOP, and KGB in Cahoots.

Lifezette -  In an appearance on MSNBC on Monday, Carville relentlessly — and repeatedly — attacked the FBI’s decision to reopen the investigation, asserting it is part of a conspiracy to subvert American democracy.  
"This is in effect an attempt to hijack an election. It’s unprecedented … the House Republicans and the KGB are trying to influence our democracy.....Comey was acting in concert and coordination with the House Republicans. We also have the extraordinary case of the KGB being involved in this race and selectively leaking things from the Clinton campaign that they hacked. 
"It would seem to me that the FBI shouldn't be getting rolled by the House Republicans, that's what happened here....there's nothing else that's going on.....and in the meantime … democracy is under assault by the KGB.  To me that's something we ought to be talking about....." 
Apparently the fact that the Soviet security agency was disbanded in 1991 does not preclude its involvement in this vast, anti-Clinton, FBI-organized conspiracy, according to Carville. Poor Carville was clearly apoplectic at the news of Comey’s announcement, describing it as an assault or attack on American democracy multiple times.  Unfortunately for Carville, fanciful tales about time-traveling Soviet spies and an FBI in the GOP's pocket certainly make for interesting entertainment — but they pale in importance to the real-life stories of Clinton's brazen lawlessness.

When the MSNBC anchor dared raise the fact that Democrats were praising Comey only a few months ago when he announced the FBI's decision not to recommend indictment, Carville went into a stuttering, sputtering fit.
"When the facts change I change my mind. Why are you defending this, why are you sitting here as American democracy is under assault? This is an unprecedented event that was done on behalf of the House Republicans. And as we know the KGB is all over this election and this is what we are talking about? We ought to be talking about [how] our democracy is under assault right now and what we are going to do about it, not what somebody said in July about James Comey."
The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy lives!