Tuesday, January 11, 2011

MSNBC Warns Changing Programing could Spell Disaster for Network.

"It's About Angry Rhetoric
That's What We're all About!"

Public calls for a reduction in hate filled and inflammatory political rhetoric on cable news networks have plunged the MSNBC News Channel into utter chaos.  A spokesperson warning that such a move could leave the network with pretty much all 24 hours to fill.  

Network spokeperson Shadow Pierson-Finkelroy said not to underestimate the giant hole this would create in their programing. “MSNBC without inflammatory rantings would be like The Weather Channel without maps."  The network has been in a tooth and nail battle with CNN at the bottom of the cable news ratings. 

 Ms. Pierson-Finkelroy said MSNBC was preparing for a “worst-case scenario” in which it is pressured to air responsible statements in place of its current bias flame throwing programming. She said "if it comes to that God forbid, we'll just have to air 24 hours of Seinfeld.”  

 In contrast with Ms.Pierson-Finkelroy's alarming  comments, one of MSNBC's most inflammatory hired mouthpieces, Special Ed Schultz took the news of a possible programming change in stride: “If I’m kicked off the air, I’ll just return to my first love: standing in the back of crowded theaters and yelling at people." 

 But commentator Keith Olbermann was less enthusiastic about the new call for tempered rhetoric: “I finally mustered the courage and got a Obama tattoo like Matthews and now this!  And for the first time in my life I won't have anything to write on my hand.” Chris Matthews and Lawrence O'Donnell both took the news badly and were heard ranting and raving in the parking garage about it was all Dick Chenney's fault and that they had friends in high places that won't be happy about all this!  Also MSNBC's resident sexually confused commentator Rachael Madow, told ZipWad Magazine, if forced off the air he wouldn't know what to do with all the goofy glasses he wears on air, but was sure he looked sufficiently gay enough to get a job at "The Gap" if need be. 
In other cable news developments, CNN confirmed that it was considering dropping Kathleen Parker from its “Parker Spitzer” program, but said it had balked at Elliot Spitzer’s suggestion of “a different woman every night.”


  1. I find that I am repeating myself when I congratulate you once again on another excellent political parody. You have definitely kicked up your game to another level.

  2. Thank You Robert!
    With the present political left in this country, it's like they're begging to be written about.

    BTW, if you haven't been there yet, check out

    You won't be sorry.

  3. They could always keep the on air personalities and could do running commentary on the daily You-Tube videos releases.

  4. "Special Ed Schultz" ....absolutely friggin' hilarious. This whole article is genius.

  5. Fricking hilarious! Funniest thing I've read all day.
    Special Ed. heh heh.

  6. Thanks Guys....
    It's amazing what to many double shot Peppermint Mocha Latte's can do to the human thought processes.

  7. This is great. Anybody with a name like yours has gotta be funny. Still hunting for that honest man?

    Did I read on one of your posts (or am I thinking of someone else?) that you are from Dallas, TX?

  8. Thank You LadyGun. Very much!
    It's nice to see you and Irony Curtain over here!

    No, I'm not in Dallas, just outside of New Orleans. :)

  9. Excellent post. Hilarious comment about Elliot Spinchter at the end.

  10. 24 hours a day of Seinfeld re-runs would be refreshing~~

  11. You make my weekend. As a resident of NY where SHUUUMER runs things its a pleasure, no a delight!!