Thursday, October 20, 2011

President Recommends Slacks for Slackers

Middle Finger News Service - President Obama is urging anyone seeking the many jobs he's  created, to ditch the unemployed look and dress for success if they really want a spot back among the American working class elite.  

Last night, Obama told supporters who paid exorbitant sums of money for a mediocre chicken dinner and to hear him try to speak:
"Listen, people, I'm creating the jobs out there - if you really want back into the American work force, you need to trade in those lounge pants for a pair of slacks and show the rest of us you really want it. This isn't class warfare, this is just some friendly advice from a wealthy employed American to 9.1% of the country."
Obama's non-campaign/campaign bus trip comes as his $447 billion jobs bill remains stuck in the Senate two weeks after introducing it because Senate Democrats "hadn't gotten around to it" yet. Senate Majority Leader "Dingy Harry" Reid (D-NV) acknowledged the delay, saying he and the others had been "a little sidetracked" watching Ken Burn's "Prohibition" series on PBS. 
 "You never know when a future employer could be in the 12 Items Or Less line in front of you at Wal-Mart. You just  never know. I'm not saying you need to be all dolled up when you're filing for your third unemployment extension, but those ratty sweats you're wearing, they were made by offshore workers - dressed in slacks. I think you catch my drift."
Obama has also found himself in a deadlock with congressional Republicans who think the government should let the unemployed dress how they want since they have so little else to hold onto. However, the president says it's this exact mentality that has led to the fashion crisis in Europe and the widespread acceptance of large men in tiny speedos.

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