Sunday, January 17, 2016

DMF Endorsement For President of the United States

The Board of Middle Finger News Service

As we look upon the coming primary season soon to begin, the prospects are not pleasant in our eyes. On one side, we see a corrupt lying Grandmother, with a lecherous spouse, who is running for the nations highest office while the specter of indictment for high crimes and misdemeanors hang over her head.  Pitted against her a mumbling wild haired communist hippie left behind by the 1960's. Neither are our cup of tea in any fashion.
And as the Republican side is for all intent and purpose down to two major candidates, one of which will soon be ruled ineligible because of birth, and the GOPe establishment's ongoing conspiracy to rig the game and deny the nomination to the second in favor of their own RINO stooge, we are forced to look for a viable candidate to support elsewhere.  

In the past few days, talk has been swirling in some political circles of a dark-horse candidate who has floated a trial balloon to see if there's a possibility of wide spread support. After much yelling and debate, we at DMF/ MFNS have, with further investigation and discussion decided to back this dark-horse: MFNS's Own Earl of Taint.

Earl is a simple man of integrity, not a political insider. He believes the government should get the Hell out of the way and leave us alone. His strong suit is his understanding of simple economics: You can't spend more than you take in and we need to stop the idiotic wasteful spending.   We see Earl as twisted enough to scare our enemies, and we know he will not have any empty sexual harassment allegations leveled at him as some candidates have in the past because as far as we know, no women have gone near him in years.

We at DMF / Middle Finger News Service firmly believe in an Earl of Taint candidacy, and wholeheartedly endorse his campaign for the Presidency.

It has come to us that he has visited with some potential advisers with impressive credentials, including the likes of the eccentric but knowledgeable Professor Marvin Butouski of the South Eastern Central State Junior College Ethnic Physics Department, and Snags Fitch, Grand Poobah of the Texas Masonic Elks Optimist Club.  His potential Cabinet appointees we find also impressive. Mentioned as a possible pick for Commerce Secretary is English born Harold Ashcott Hayes lll, the billionaire Texas Tampon Magnate, and for Transportation Secretary, Link Pilsner, former outlaw biker and expert on the nation's back roads and highway systems.

On Foreign Policy, we here at Middle Finger News Service unfortunately do not agree with Earl's long standing insistence on overthrowing the government of Paraguay in retaliation for his 1991 conviction (later overturned) for importing Toupees made from hair of endangered species. We do feel his world views would be tempered by his close friend and possible choice for Secretary of State, Klash Bazbo, who should be over the ugly head wound suffered in a recent bar confrontation political debate, and out of physical therapy in time to be confirmed.

The only possible problem we see with presently put forward Cabinet choices in Congressional Conformation Hearings could be the pick for Attorney General, Vincent “The Knee" Carbuzio. Mr.
Carbuzio is a Houston businessman and expert on Law and the Federal Correction System, having been through it many times.

The Editorial Board of Middle Finger News endorses Mr. Taint because we too believe it's time to cut the crap and get the government off our backs. We also believe this is the first and most important endorsement of The Earl of Taint for President Campaign, with many to follow in our steps.

( NOTE: If you have any suggestions for a Taint Campaign Slogan, please leave them in the comments.)