Wednesday, June 26, 2019

So You Don't Have To Watch, We Give You a Preview of Tonight's Democrat Debate

Tonight, the Democrat Circus gathers together under the big top for the first time to have a good ol' fashion debate for the people, which we all know is just really gonna degenerate quickly into who can promise the most free stuff  & Trump Bashing Extravaganza. Due to the luck of the draw, Lizzy Warren will be chairing what looks like the kids' table debate. Her deputy in charge of the class when she has to go to the teachers' lounge to shotgun a couple beers will be the psychedelic Warrior himself,  Beto O'Rourke, because he is the only other candidate on stage who has had anything resembling polling numbers at four percent or more for any stretch of time.

Also in this group will be Amy 'the Comb' Klobuchar, Spartacus Booker, Tulsi Gabbard(?), Julio, no that's Juan, no it's Julio, Castro, Jay Inslee(?) Tim Ryan(?), and....oh yeah, that big goofy guy who runs New York City, Bill de Bolsheviki.

Then on Thursday night, it will be all the important people. Plugs Biden, Bernie Sanders, Kamala what's her name and Mayor Pete, all together and yelling at each other or being nice, we just don't know. Also on Thursday's line up will be Chrissy Gigglebrand, Michael Bennet(?), John Hickenlooper, Eric Swalwell, and at this night's kid table will be Oprahs's gurl friend, Marianne 'deep breathe' Williamson and Andy Yang, because apparently the dems had two free tickets to give away and those guys were the 9th caller into the radio station.

Both events begin at 9 PM Eastern and will be aired on MSNBC, NBC, and on Telemundo in Spanish for voters who haven't sneaked across the border yet. The moderators will include Chucky Todd, the lovely Ricky Maddow and José Diaz-Balart Hernandez Mendoza Rodriguez, but Maddow is only doin' the second hour on both nights (cause he's a star), whereas Chuck Todd (am I the only one who thinks he looks like a pervert) is doing the first hour.  So if you decide to watch the circus, let's just say you have time to go out to dinner before you go home to watch the debates. If you like real dumb shit though, that first hour is gonna be your JAM. It's all those fools doing a "debate," where they are only allowed to answer for 60 seconds, with 30 seconds for follow-up questions, so they better have their zingers at the ready!

But just in case you DO watch and your brain begins to turn to mush, we give you our recommends for sweet relief in an alternative mind numb to watch. The schedule for HGTV on those two nights.

9:00 PM: "Property Brothers, Forever Home."
This is the newest incarnation of the "Property Brothers" series, where the two gentlemen who are identical twins who look alike do nice things to people's houses and make them say "shut the front door!" when they see their new shiplap and quartz countertops. OOOOH!

10:00 PM: "House Hunters." You know the drill, it is totally fake. Sometimes the houses they are looking at are not even houses they considered buying. Tomorrow night's episode will be about some rich people from DC who really want a fucking beach house in South Carolina.

Thursday 9:00 PM: "Christina On The Coast."
OK honestly, have not watched this show yet, because the promos drive me up the wall. It's a new show from some chick named Christina Anstead, who was previously known as Christina El Moussa, who did the Flippity Floppity show with Tarek El Moussa, who was previously known as her husband but then they got divorced and she married a guy named "Ant" and this is her new show and the promos are obnoxious.

9:30 PM: "Unspouse My House." On second thought, DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW. The host, Orlando Soria, is the most flaming gay ever on television in the history of broadcasting, which seemed appropriate to somebody at the network for a show that helps people move on from divorces and break-ups. (Yeah, that's what I was thinkin')

It is especially funny though when he is redoing a house for some black 300 pound former NFL football player or an MMA fighter dude. But I repeat: Guys, DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW!! After 30 minutes of this guy swishing around and picking out fabulous drapes, you may well find yourself prancing all around the house in your wife's sunflower flip-fops, coloring your hair pastel green, and singing show tunes like Bette Midler into your hairbrush in front of the dresser mirror. You Have Been warned! 

As for me, I'll tune in once and awhile for y'all,  to see if Joe and Bernie are on the floor wrestling, and to find out what new shit we are all gonna get free. Me, I'm hopen' for free Ice Cream & Lawn Maintenance myself.......

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

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