It's Like Hitting Themselves in the Face With a Pie

In a stunning new ad campaign unveiled to reiterate to us all who holds the true guarantees of the truth, CNN is lodging an attack at those claiming an apple is a banana. The ad begins with a red apple on a white screen:

“This is an apple. Some people might try to tell you it’s a banana. They might scream, ‘Banana, banana, banana,’ over and over again. They might put banana in all caps. You might even start to believe this is a banana. But it’s not. This is an apple.”

The words “facts first,” then flash on the screen before the CNN logo. The move comes after The New York Times launched an ad campaign of their own calling out false allegations of “fake news” by President Trump and his team of pundits.

Their 30 sec ad features a white screen with black type and a series of sound bites beginning with the words “the truth is.” “The truth is hard. The truth is hard to find", before the CNN logo flashes on the screen.  And They Should Know. 

While CNN’s ad campaign attacks those who call an apple a banana, they also pay Chris "Fredo" Cuomo and Fareed Zakaria, both well known for shouting “banana.”

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Saturday Open Thread

I'm way to busy to post anything meaningful today, so I'm turning it over to y'all.
Go crazy. Post what you will.....

I'm Sure That Show No One Heard of Was Really Popular.

I've heard the name Chelsea Handler before and remember seeing her on TV once or twice. I remember her coming across as a mouthy self important celebrity who looked like a worn out liquored up New Orleans street walker, ridden hard and long past her prime. I had no idea she was a comedian. I totally missed that. But evidently she claims to be.

I looked her up on the google and found out this is the same woman who promised to move to Spain after Trump won. Apparently, that never happened because, in a shocking turn of events, she's been hosting a talk show all this time. It's on Netflix, and if you've never met a single person who's watched it, you're not alone. 

It's probably because the vulgar, unfunny, comedian spent most of the time lashing out about politics. She hates Trump, despises Republicans, and loves posting vulgar pseudo-jokes about the people she hates on the tweeter. You could call it "constant rage". 

Anyway, the show you never heard of is going off the air.  According to the AP, Handler says she is ending her once a week Netflix talk show after two seasons in order to focus on "political activism". Handler says in a statement that she plans to devote as much time as she can to become "a more knowledgeable and engaged citizen" and take on projects that have personal significance. Quitting a once-a-week talk show to "focus on activism," absolutely reeks of an excuse. I say more likely she has no ratings and is going off to rehab to dry out.......or maybe just hang out at Chappaqua and get blasted on Vodka shots with Hillary. 

It should be pointed out that services like Netflix never release ratings information. They don't talk about how many times a show is streamed, and they don't like to get into discussions about budgetary matters. But there's one truism in the entertainment industry, it's that no one walks away and leaves money on the table.

Regardless of her reasons, it's nice to know there's one less vulgar, unfunny and unattractive left-wing talk show host out there.  

And To Think, I Was Finally Ready To Offer Up Myself To Playboy!

Just My luck. After years of resisting the urge to selflessly volunteer and offer myself up to the photographers of Playboy being the visually stunning example of the curvy Thirty.....Twenty-something placental mammal that I am, the magazine goes all wacko. Even before the old sleazeball Hefner's Pajama's are cold, the magazine goes to a new marketing strategy to appeal to an obviously sexually confused younger generation. Playboy wants all y'all to “Meet your November 2017 Playmate Ines Rau.” In this case don't get a hold of yourself. There's something else.....Ines ain't really a girl. The French model is Playboy’s “First Transgender Playmate.”

Apparently it’s not the models first appearance in the magazine (it’s a little difficult to tell – the accompanying article is long on the “humanity’s halting shift toward acceptance of gender identities beyond the male-female binary” gobbledygook and short on actual English). Supposedly she they were in a special supplement issue in 2014.

"These days Ines is a globe-trotting model with an irrepressible passion for self-love and honesty."

Is “self-love” another non-binary gender identity? If not, it will be any week now. We also learn that Ines is “a hippie, a tomboy and a party girl.”  The more gender inclusive masturbation magazine will hit newsstands soon and by capitalizing on the growing fascination with the kinky allure of transgenderism will probably generate plenty of media buzz with the left. Chicks with dicks are the future, at least according to Playboy.

Irony really is dead. And they can definitely forget calling me to bail them out!

Liberals Try To Connect With Normal Americans. It Goes Poorly

Key Democrats met secretly to confer about the party’s future as America approached the one-year anniversary of their stunning and hilarious humiliation by Donald Trump. The key question they sought to answer: “How can we Democrats appeal to those Jesus-loving, racist idiots who hate science and don’t live on the coast like everyone we know?”
Sen Chuck Schumer opened the discussion: 

"We’re here to freely exchange ideas in an atmosphere of openness and unlimited inquiry. With that in mind, your program has a list of the things you can’t say, like ‘illegal alien’ and ‘Christmas.’ It also has a handy cheat sheet of everyone’s preferred pronouns. Mine are ‘he’ and ‘him,’ while Senator Menendez’s are ‘convict’ and ‘Number 675973.’ Also, be sure to observe the rule about not mansplaining, which should not be a problem with this group.”

He then turned it over to 105 year-old Nancy Pelosi, who asked, “Where am I?” After Schumer whispered in her ear, she began:

 “With the economy booming, the stock market setting records, and America defeating ISIS, things have never been worse. That’s why we need to keep The Resistance going, because it’s been a huge success so far in my district in San Francisco and, I’m sure, in your districts in Manhattan, Chicago, and Havana. And we need to expand our party, which means we need to convince dirty, stupid, transphobic normal Americans to come to grips with their own failings and join us.”

“We could tell them they’re stupid even more often,” suggested Al Franken.

“And racist,” suggested Maxine Waters.

“Also, Islamophobic,” said Keith Ellison.

“In my state, I can go potty with girls!” said California’s Gavin Newsom. 

“Clearly, there’s something wrong with these people, so we need to consult with someone with a genuine connection with normal Americans. Sadly, Hillary Clinton isn’t here to help us. If anyone connects with Middle America, it’s her. Unfortunately, she’s fallen and she can’t get up.”

Pelosi then made the “drinky drinky” gesture, and the crowd nodded. 

 “Now look,” Schumer said, frustrated. “We have to defend 22 Senate seats next year, many in red states. How the hell are we going to do that?” 

“Move left,” said Bernie Sanders. 

“I know!” came a shrill, grating voice from the back of the room. Hillary Clinton entered with a bandage around her head and limping from the broken toe she got when she “slipped” while wearing her trademark high heels. She took the mic and the room fell still.

“We can start treating normal Americans with respect. We can honor them for their hard work, patriotism, and devotion to family. We can stop insulting their religious beliefs and trying to shove our urban blue state values down their throats. When criminals murder fellow citizens, we can choose not to blame law-abiding gun owners, and instead of calling them ‘racists’ for voting for Trump, talk to them and learn why they felt he was offering them more than the Democratic Party.”

The room was silent, and the crowd sat staring with jaws slack. 

“And…and…,” she said, then steadied herself on the podium, looking around confused.  

“Are you all right, Madame Should-Be-President?” asked Schumer, handing her a goblet of Chardonnay. She drank it in one gulp. “I don’t understand…what happened?” she asked. 

 “You were just mumbling random words, crazy talk,” Schumer said. “It didn’t make any sense at all.”

 TownHall.com