Sunday, June 30, 2019

Bernie Sanders Given Honor of Own Native American Name


A Middle Finger News Great Moments in History

Senator Bernie Sanders was invited to address a gathering of the Indian First Nations chiefs in Denver, CO. He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing the standard of living for all of their citizens by totally free government grants for free college educations, free Medicare for all,etc.

He mentioned how he always supported these issues that came forward to him. Although Sanders was vague about the details for the funding of his plans, he spoke eloquently about his ideas if he wins the White House in 2020. At the conclusion of his speech, the chiefs presented him with a beautiful plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Walking Eagle."

The proud Sanders accepted the plaque and then returned to Washington. A news reporter asked the chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to Sanders. They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

Via Overnight Thread@ACEHQ

~Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Saturday, June 29, 2019

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

~ No Tuxedos Required ~

Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Chair of Music - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director

Beto’s Debate Journal


A Bit of Debate Satire from WFB

It's not uncommon for presidential candidates to scribble down some notes or talking points on sheets of paper during a debate. It is, however, highly unusual for candidates to leave behind a sprawling journal entry of the kind found on Beto O'Rourke's lectern following Wednesday night's showdown in Miami. What follows is a (lightly edited) transcript of the document, as obtained by the Washington Free Beacon:
-  "Here I am in the place where I come to get low. Miami, the bass and the sunset low." — Will Smith 
 -  Tonight, I am a dancing bear, to be jeered at by a fickle press corps who surrendered their hearts to me in Texas, only to decide I wasn't good enough to bring home to mom and dad, that I wasn't "‘long-term" material, that they always saw our relationship as "more of a side chick situation." I'm starting to think they only shacked up with me to get back at Ted. Just look at them, sitting there all smug, talking trash behind my back to all their friends. Assholes. 
-  Miami is the opposite of "punk," but at least everyone speaks Spanish here. On a related note, I owe Jeb Bush a debt of gratitude for reminding me to stop listing my ethnicity as "Hispanic." I'm not sure I could fake another apology for abusing my privilege. They would have roasted me for doing that, and yet somehow Pocahontas over here gets a pass. Maybe she's what the media had in mind when they told me they wanted to "try girls for a change."
-  If they call on Cory Booker before me and he starts speaking Spanish I am going to quit the race right here, right now. His accent is terrible. I wish I was black, though, or at least gay. America is a tapestry.  It's exhausting, spouting all this vague nonsense about "fair" taxation and "universal healthcare access". What am I even doing here? I miss the road. I miss the heartland. I miss the solitude of sunsets. Hell, I miss the blog, that feeling of discovery and the archeology of excavating words from dirt — the great American soil on which dreams are built. If it comes to that, I'll say I'm quitting because I miss my wife and kids. 
-  Relax, Beto. This is your chance to shine. Tienes el poder de las palabras. None of the other candidates would dare attack you. Not with Lyin' Liz Warren standing front and center. Not with Joe Biden leading the pack. You're the underdog, you're going to prove everyone wrong, even the media. - READ MORE

Friday, June 28, 2019

In Celebration of the Opening of the 2020 Election Campaign Season.....

....and the Democrats affirming to the entire country what their true colors really are in last night's debate, I give you this apropos tune for your listening enjoyment :

The Late Greats Jack Bruce & Rory Gallagher's impromptu live jam of "Politician"

Squinty Scarborough Scorches Dems Debate as “Disaster" to a Stunned Panel

From the look on Mika's face through most of this video, it makes one wonder if there will be any Meat Puppet humping at the Scarborough residence anytime soon...... 


~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS & MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

Lizzy Warren Sets ‘Jeopardy!’ Loss Record After Buzzing in With “What Is a New Government Program?” Every Time.


By Harvey@IMAO
CULVER CITY, CA (AP) – Hot on the heels of ‘Jeopardy!’ champion James Holzhauer’s 33-game, $2.5 million winning streak, Democrat Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren appeared on the show to set a record of her own. In Warren’s case, though, it was pretty much the exact opposite of Holzhauer’s run, as Warren defied all odds by actually obtaining the lowest theoretical possible score of -$58,000 by offering “what is a new government program?” as her response every time she buzzed in first, which she did every time host Alex Trebek read an answer.  
During a post-game interview, Warren seemed baffled by the turn of events. “I don’t understand,” said Warren. “I phrased it in the form of a question every time, didn’t I?

Beto is Toast

AOC Sobs at the Downfall of Her Socialist Ally

RS - I know it’s dangerous to make political prognostications this far out. The primary voting doesn’t start until Feb. of 2020 after all. But, I’m going to go ahead and say it. Beto O’Rourke’s candidacy is over.

With some people in the race, that wouldn’t exactly be going out on a limb, but Beto didn’t enter this race as a 3rd tier candidate. He had all the media attention and name recognition. He was so hip and cool. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. After initially competing well in the weeks following his announcement, the past few months have not been kind to Beto.

Last night was his chance to regain his footing and assert himself as a factor in the race. Didn’t Happen. At one point, Beto started speaking in Spanish for reasons only known to him and it led to the most meme-worthy thing of the night - Sparticus Booker Cory giving Beto the side eye when he starts answering questions in Spanish.

But it wasn’t just the look on Booker’s face. On substance he stumbled and flailed about, desperate to pander to the left while not appearing totally insane. It didn’t play well. Beto is asked about a 70 percent tax rate and somehow ends up talking about voter registration. Even rabidly liberal MSNBC, who spent the better part of 6 months fluffing Beto as the second coming when he ran against Ted Cruz in 2018, has jumped off the bandwagon.

Beto's take on the night:
Beto O'Rourke on #DemDebate performance: "I'd give myself an A." http://hill.cm/wsOYVjy
He seemed out of sorts the entire night and it became abundantly clear, even to the left-wingers on MSNBC’s panel, that this guy is an empty suit. It’s all fun and games when you are running against a Republican. Not so much when you threaten the socialist dream by not being quite as crazy as Elizabeth Warren. Beto is learning the hard way that love in politics is fleeting. He’s done.


~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Thursday, June 27, 2019

Post Clown Debate Observations For Those Smart Enough Not To Have Watched.


Well, no real surprises tonight, just the 10 bitching about mainly the same crap they have been all my life, with a few recent issues added in. DJT got off light, as most of the issues could have been addressed by other presidents they supported and congressional bodies of which they were seated in the past, but were careful not to let on they themselves were responsible for any of the mess. (lookin' at you Lizzy).  It was basically the economy sucks, the rich are too rich and of course the occasional Trump is a Dick. But not once did anyone mention front runner Joe.

Senator Lizzy was placed front and center as obvious front runner of this group of dwarfs. My one question of the night would have been "does this woman own any clothes?" My Gawd lady, how many times do we have to see you in that same purple jacket?????

Moving on, the pregame show featured a head scratching performance by a giddy Nicole Wallace who sounded like a liquored up 16 year-old just before a rock concert. Brian Williams was...well Brian Williams without the tall stories of mythical heroism.

As the main event started Senator Lizzy's meds had obviously kicked in and the usual shakes as she rattled on were evident.  The highlights of Lizzy's night; corporations are just bad - Free college for everybody. She went into detail bashing the very healthcare system she and her comrades voted for and ceremoniously rammed down our throats. She seems to have a real mental block concerning the realization Health Ins. co. have to make a profit to stay in business. DUH! She also wants you to pay for Tameka's abortion so she can use her money to lease a new Toyota.  Lizzy somehow doesn't get it that gun violence isn't a public health problem, it's a cultural problem. But that can't said in public, but everyone of these political scam artist know it.  By closing statements, Lizzy's meds had wore off and looked like she needed a beer.  But in the end, she made it perfectly clear, she's gonna fight for all you little people you!

Beto, more reserved than usual (possibly because they wouldn't let him  stand on his podium) sporadically broke out into Spanish, speaking to to all the future border jumpers - was for raising the corporate tax rate to punish employers - called for a democrat rewrite of all existing immigration laws in their own image, and like all the candidates, gave rigmarole answers to hide the true intentions - unfettered immigration via porous borders. They ain't foolin' nobody. Beto also wants to let the traumatized school shooting kids have a say in writing new gun laws. Yo Beto, we don't need you or any other kids input concerning our constitutional rights. Beto's says he's doing it for the children though. What a F**kin' dope!

Senator Amy said "we need more immigrants." What? To sleep in the streets? She also said DJT should not make any moves concerning Iran without asking her and her congressional comrades. And they will say NO!

Senator Spartacus was kind enough to remind us twice he was black, and kept reminding us he lives in a crime ridden neighborhood. That's really no way to talk about the Nations Capital, Cory.  He too broke out into Spanish, but I'm still trying to understand what the word "Toenail" has to do with politics? Spartacus is in favor of....... licensing all guns. NO! You Dope. You license cars, pilots and businesses, NOT CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTs!  He also said "the democrats need to get the courts back so they can pass their legislation." Read that quote again.  In the end he assured the people he was the one to beat down that Donald Trump guy.

Julio (or was it really Juan?) is for tax payer funded abortion coverage for Transexuals.....  Wait, What?  And he is also enthusiastically in favor of taxing the hell outta you for a Marshall Plan for the rest of the hemisphere, decriminalize illegal immigration and make it like parking ticket. It's basically MAMA, 'Make America Mexico Again' agenda.

And that brings us to the Honorable Mayor of NYC, who more than once reminded the people in attendance he was the Honorable Mayor of NYC, who wants to take your guns and money and make America like NYC. Nuff ' Said. You're excused. Thanks For Playing the game, Bill.

I must stop for a moment to say, Ricky Maddow looked absolutely fabulous tonight with his black, horn rimmed, look more smarter Rachel Goggles from the past. Good Times, Good Times. And Chuck Toad still, as always, looked like street corner pervert. But as questioners, I admit they were both most excellent. 

I vaguely remember the other candidates yapping (I was in the kitchen lookin' for the corkscrew, which took priority at the time) about the seas rising and green stuff, that we need more corrupt unions as well as giving us all "Free Health Care" (but you can still buy your own if you want to). That my friend sums up the democrats thinking. You tell me, if their grand plan for Free Healthcare is so good, why would I spend my money to pay for different health care myself??? These people truly believe their voters are stupid.

All in all, the real winner was Crazy Joe. Not one person took a shot. They all know they're losers.

~ Thank You Hot Coffee@Rumor Mill News Reading Room for the Linkage! ~  

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Par For the Course I Guess. They've Accused Him of Everything Else Imaginable Already

Flatulence Goldberg - Clinical Example of Near Fatal TDS

With accusations of Racism and Bigotry of all manner, the Cackling Hens of 'THE VEIW' are no strangers to hyperbole and dramatics when it comes to the man they all at one time wanted to be associated with in public.  Just last week Maude Behar said DJT was on his way to exterminating illegal immigrants. Then today, during a discussion of Iran, and actually siding with them for shooting down one of our drones in international air space, Flatulence Goldberg and Behar both laughed at the ironically named, always dour co-host Sunny Hostin for saying she didn’t think it was appropriate for them to cheer on the Iranian president for calling our president mentally ill. Then the Chicken Express really went off the rails.


Boobs McCain jumped in to condemn Iran for it’s wicked fundamentalist regime that persecutes gays and women saying she totally agreed, because when you are a leader of a country where gay people are thrown off roofs, and killing women in the street for wearing tank tops, how dare you judge what we do in our country!  McCain pointed out the obvious in that it's not illegal to be gay in America and that they're not being killed for it.  Whoopi, who has refused to say DJT's name out loud quickly replied:
"Not yet! Not yet! You think this is not, you know, something that's been thrown around? You should read more of the stuff that’s in newspapers so you can see what people are doing! 
What newspapers?? Back off the herb pipe Whoopi. She sounded a lot like like her insane former co-host Rosie O’Donnell, who earlier this week claimed the U.S. had hundreds of thousands of “concentration camps.” Now Goldberg was implying to national audience that gays are going to be rounded up or be exterminated. 

To an audience of Trump hating unemployed gender confused millennials, and uninformed lo-info housewives, this kind of talk is scary stuff.  Most people don't realize, the production of  'The View', and the contracts of the panel at that table are not under the purview of ABC entertainment as you would think, but are actually part of the ABC News Division (Hostin is an ABC News Senior Legal Analyst believe it or not).  So in all reality, these people are an opinion show reflective of ABC news. I have always believed  they let stand this kind of ridicules anti-Trump hyperbole,  uncensored and under the cover of daytime talk, so as to say the things the News Division cannot say otherwise, thus avoiding the caustic media criticism of an all-out war on DJT like is on full view 24/7 on CNN &MSNBC. 

And I'm also beginning to believe it’s a requirement to be able to lie and spread crazy conspiracy theories to even be considered as a host on The View, like substituent co-host, Nicaraguan Piglet Ana Navarro. But I guess when the money is good.....    And when Boobs McCain is at times the most sensible one at the table, the bar is set very low.

(On a Tip from Broadside Betty)

~ Thank You MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

So You Don't Have To Watch, We Give You a Preview of Tonight's Democrat Debate


Tonight, the Democrat Circus gathers together under the big top for the first time to have a good ol' fashion debate for the people, which we all know is just really gonna degenerate quickly into who can promise the most free stuff  & Trump Bashing Extravaganza. Due to the luck of the draw, Lizzy Warren will be chairing what looks like the kids' table debate. Her deputy in charge of the class when she has to go to the teachers' lounge to shotgun a couple beers will be the psychedelic Warrior himself,  Beto O'Rourke, because he is the only other candidate on stage who has had anything resembling polling numbers at four percent or more for any stretch of time.

Also in this group will be Amy 'the Comb' Klobuchar, Spartacus Booker, Tulsi Gabbard(?), Julio, no that's Juan, no it's Julio, Castro, Jay Inslee(?) Tim Ryan(?), and....oh yeah, that big goofy guy who runs New York City, Bill de Bolsheviki.

Then on Thursday night, it will be all the important people. Plugs Biden, Bernie Sanders, Kamala what's her name and Mayor Pete, all together and yelling at each other or being nice, we just don't know. Also on Thursday's line up will be Chrissy Gigglebrand, Michael Bennet(?), John Hickenlooper, Eric Swalwell, and at this night's kid table will be Oprahs's gurl friend, Marianne 'deep breathe' Williamson and Andy Yang, because apparently the dems had two free tickets to give away and those guys were the 9th caller into the radio station.

Both events begin at 9 PM Eastern and will be aired on MSNBC, NBC, and on Telemundo in Spanish for voters who haven't sneaked across the border yet. The moderators will include Chucky Todd, the lovely Ricky Maddow and José Diaz-Balart Hernandez Mendoza Rodriguez, but Maddow is only doin' the second hour on both nights (cause he's a star), whereas Chuck Todd (am I the only one who thinks he looks like a pervert) is doing the first hour.  So if you decide to watch the circus, let's just say you have time to go out to dinner before you go home to watch the debates. If you like real dumb shit though, that first hour is gonna be your JAM. It's all those fools doing a "debate," where they are only allowed to answer for 60 seconds, with 30 seconds for follow-up questions, so they better have their zingers at the ready!

But just in case you DO watch and your brain begins to turn to mush, we give you our recommends for sweet relief in an alternative mind numb to watch. The schedule for HGTV on those two nights.

9:00 PM: "Property Brothers, Forever Home."
This is the newest incarnation of the "Property Brothers" series, where the two gentlemen who are identical twins who look alike do nice things to people's houses and make them say "shut the front door!" when they see their new shiplap and quartz countertops. OOOOH!

10:00 PM: "House Hunters." You know the drill, it is totally fake. Sometimes the houses they are looking at are not even houses they considered buying. Tomorrow night's episode will be about some rich people from DC who really want a fucking beach house in South Carolina.

Thursday 9:00 PM: "Christina On The Coast."
OK honestly, have not watched this show yet, because the promos drive me up the wall. It's a new show from some chick named Christina Anstead, who was previously known as Christina El Moussa, who did the Flippity Floppity show with Tarek El Moussa, who was previously known as her husband but then they got divorced and she married a guy named "Ant" and this is her new show and the promos are obnoxious.

9:30 PM: "Unspouse My House." On second thought, DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW. The host, Orlando Soria, is the most flaming gay ever on television in the history of broadcasting, which seemed appropriate to somebody at the network for a show that helps people move on from divorces and break-ups. (Yeah, that's what I was thinkin')

It is especially funny though when he is redoing a house for some black 300 pound former NFL football player or an MMA fighter dude. But I repeat: Guys, DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW!! After 30 minutes of this guy swishing around and picking out fabulous drapes, you may well find yourself prancing all around the house in your wife's sunflower flip-fops, coloring your hair pastel green, and singing show tunes like Bette Midler into your hairbrush in front of the dresser mirror. You Have Been warned! 

As for me, I'll tune in once and awhile for y'all,  to see if Joe and Bernie are on the floor wrestling, and to find out what new shit we are all gonna get free. Me, I'm hopen' for free Ice Cream & Lawn Maintenance myself.......

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~