Lizzy Warren Sets ‘Jeopardy!’ Loss Record After Buzzing in With “What Is a New Government Program?” Every Time.

By Harvey@IMAO

CULVER CITY, CA (AP) – Hot on the heels of ‘Jeopardy!’ champion James Holzhauer’s 33-game, $2.5 million winning streak, Democrat Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren appeared on the show to set a record of her own. In Warren’s case, though, it was pretty much the exact opposite of Holzhauer’s run, as Warren defied all odds by actually obtaining the lowest theoretical possible score of -$58,000 by offering “what is a new government program?” as her response every time she buzzed in first, which she did every time host Alex Trebek read an answer.  

During a post-game interview, Warren seemed baffled by the turn of events. “I don’t understand,” said Warren. “I phrased it in the form of a question every time, didn’t I?

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Thinking of Complimenting Chick-Fil-A in Public Again?

Zuckerberg Buys Alcatraz Island to House Violators of New

 Facebook Hate Speech Policy

By Harvey@IMAO

MENLO PARK (AP) – As part of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s plan to have the most aggressive anti-hate speech policy on social media, the billionaire entrepreneur purchased the entire island of Alcatraz, including its prison facilities, with the intention of housing policy violators there. 

Zuckerberg explained his decision to finally put some much needed “teeth” into a policy that is often just words and air on other platforms. “Facebook opposes hate speech,” said Zuckerberg. “Also hate agents, hate statements, hate signals, hate ideologies, hate entities, hate symbols, hate slogans, hate paraphernalia, and neutral statements about the aforementioned hate items. 

However, until now, all we’ve been able to do is deplatform violators. But then they just go to Gab and go right on hate-speeching, because the stupid government won’t let us control everyone’s speech even though it’d be best for everyone.” “Then I thought, well, they sure couldn’t do what they wanted if they were in prison. Epiphany! I’ll just buy a prison and put all the people I don’t like in it.”

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