MIDDLE FINGER NEWS SERVICE
Capital Hill Police
Wednesday -1:00 AM
For Immediate Release:
Capital Hill Police do hereby issue warning to all Congressional members, their staff and all Capital Hill support employees to DO NOT position oneself either on purpose or by accident between the Senator from New York, Chuck Schumer, and any Network News Reporter, camera or microphone this Wednesday morning.
The risk of being knock down or run over and trampled by the Senator while rushing to get to any nearby microphone or camera to take full credit for saving the country with the Coronavirus Stimulus Bill negotiated late last night is considered very high and likely.
The Senator's past history make it imperative all personnel on the Hill today to be on the lookout, be of concern and take extreme care in this matter.