How Come No One Fights in Big Famous Nations Anymore

Middle Finger News Service

STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES

Washington, D.C. - A delegation of American high school students today demanded in front of   the Senate Armed Services Committee that  the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Syria, and instead attack places they've actually heard of, such as France, Australia, and Austria, unless, they said, those last two are the same country.

"Shouldn't we, as Americans, get to decide where all wars are fought?" asked sophomore Kate Shermansky. “People claim we don’t know as much geography as our parents and grandparents, but it’s so not our fault,” Josh Beldoni, a senior at Fischer High School in Los Angeles, told  Committee. “Back then they only had wars in, like, Germany and England, but we’re supposed to know about places like Somalia and Syracuse.”

“Syria,” corrected committee Chairman Carl Levin of Michigan.

“See?” said Beldoni.

Beldoni’s frustration was shared by nearly three dozen students at the hearing, who blamed the U.S. military for making them look bad.

“I  like totally support our soldiers and all that, but I am seriously failing both geography and social studies because I keep getting asked to find Croatia or Yemvrekia, or whatever bizarre-o country we send troops to,” said Amelia Nash, a junior at Clark High School in Orlando, Fla. “Can’t we fight in, like, Italy? It’s boot-shaped.”

Chairman Levin however, explained that Italy was a U.S. ally, and that intervention is usually in response to a specific threat.

“OK, what about Arulco?” interrupted Tyler Boone, a senior at Bellevue High School in Wisconsin. “That’s a country in Jagged Alliance 2 run by the evil Queen Deidranna. I’m totally familiar with that place. She’s a major threat.”

“Jagged…?” said Levin.

“Alliance. It’s a computer game.”

“Well, no,” Levin answered. “We can’t attack a fictional country.”

“Yeah right,” Boone mumbled.  

The students’ testimony was supported by a cross-section of high school geography teachers, who urged the committee to help lay a solid foundation for America’s young people by curtailing any intervention abroad.

“Since the anti-terror war began, most of my students can now point to Afghanistan and Iraq on a map, which is fine, but those same kids still don’t know the capitals of Nevada and Ohio,” said Richard Gerber, who teaches at Doodywood High School in Atlanta. “I think we need to cut back on our activities overseas and take care of business at home, and if that means invading Tallahassee (Fla.) or Trenton (N.J.) so that students learn where they are, so be it.”

“I’ve always wanted to stick it to those bastards in Connecticut,” said Sen. John McCain. “Oh shit, is my microphone on?”

The hearing adjourned after six hours. An estimated 2,000 more students were expected to hold a march in the nation’s capital, but forgot which city it was in.

Lead Booger Eater Taunts Republicans on Twitter

It's hard to move on, Harry, when you're watching a train wreck 
while we're occupying one of the seats!

The Media Protects the Democrat Brand at all cost

How bad has 2013 been for Barack Obama? Let us count the ways.

"In the first year of his second term, the president has failed on virtually every front. He put his prestige on the line to pass federal gun-control legislation–and lost. He made climate change a central part of his inaugural address–and nothing has happened. The president went head-to-head with Republicans on sequestration–and he failed. He’s been forced to delay implementation of the employer mandate, a key feature of the Affordable Care Act. ObamaCare is more unpopular than ever, and it’s turning out to be a “train wreck” (to quote Democratic Senator Max Baucus) in practice. The recent jobs report are the worst in years, with the Obama recovery already qualifying as a historically weak one. Immigration reform is going nowhere. And then there’s Syria, which has turned out to be an epic disaster. (To be sure, Mr. Obama’s Middle East failures go well beyond Syria–but Syria is the most conspicuous failure right now)."

And even now, the frothing at the mouth investigative journalist of  not so long past remain virtually silent as scandal after scandal rises from the political swamp scum.

"In watching the Obama presidency dissolve before our eyes, there is a cautionary tale to be told. Every presidency falls short of the expectations that the candidate sets. But no man has ever promised more and delivered less than the current occupant of the Oval Office."

Note: 144 Golf outings and counting since taking office......

"All of the extravagant promises and claims–of “Yes We Can!” and “we’re the ones we’ve been waiting for;” of hope and change and slowing the rise of the oceans; of claiming his candidacy would “ring out across this land as a hymn that will heal this nation, repair this world, make this time different than all the rest”–lie in ruin. (I’d urge you to watch this short video clip from the 2008 campaign to more fully appreciate the crushing disappointment that results from what Mr. Obama said he would achieve versus what he’s been able to achieve.)"

"In all of this one is reminded of the wisdom of the Book of Proverbs, which warns that “pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” The president has been shown to be a man out of his depth time and again.  Mr. Obama’s failures have inflicted great and durable harm on the United States. This may be worth keeping in mind the next time an eloquent community organizer decides he’s ready to be commander in chief."

I believe history shall be kind to Barack Obama, remembering him fondly wowing the world with his teleprompter reading skills.... 

Obama to Attend Asia Summit and Attempt to not Further Embarrass Self on World Stage

The White House announced the President will be away from the White House duties Oct. 6-12 for a trip described as "part of his ongoing commitment to increase U.S. political, economic and security engagement with the Asia Pacific", or I hope I don't look like a mental midget standing in the middle of all these short guys summit. 

Politico:

"He'll start the trip in Bali, to attend the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Economic Leaders meeting. He missed last year's summit in Russia, which came weeks before the presidential election. Depending on the status of Syria talks, the summit could include a showdown between Obama and Russian President Vladimir Putin, who's also expected to attend. Obama will also hold a bilateral meeting with Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono."

"Obama will then travel to Brunei for the U.S.-ASEAN Summit, the East Asia Summit (EAS) and a meeting with the Sultan of Brunei, who he hosted at the White House earlier this year. In Malaysia, Obama plans to meet with Prime Minister Najib of Malaysia and to deliver the keynote address to the Global Entrepreneurship Summit, an effort Obama launched in 2009 to help promote job creation through entrepreneurship.

In the Phillippines, he'll meet with President Benigno Aquino III "to reaffirm the strong economic, people-to-people, and security links between our two countries."  

Putin, Obama Horseback Ride.

Clicky for larger image

via Flicker

Good Monday Morning

Gullible is not a Strong Enough Word.

It was announced that the US and Russia had reached an agreement on eliminating Syria’s WMD stockpile. According to this post, Syria’s WMD stockpile must be eliminated by the middle of 2014:

GENEVA — The United States and Russia have reached an agreement that calls for Syria’s arsenal of chemical weapons to be removed or destroyed by the middle of 2014, Secretary of State John Kerry said on Saturday. Under a “framework” agreement, international inspectors must be on the ground in Syria by November, Mr. Kerry said, speaking at a news conference with the Russian Foreign Minister, Sergey V. Lavrov. 

An immediate test of the viability of the accord will come within a week when the Syrian government is to provide a “comprehensive listing” of its chemical stockpile.

Anyone that thinks Russia will operate in good faith to eliminate Syria’s WMDs is delusional or simply lying to the American people. The chances that the Russians will live up to their agreement are about the same as President Obama living up to enforcing every provision in the PPACA or meeting its implementation deadlines.

It’s getting tiresome watching this administration getting treated like prison bitches by other nations. Kerry’s flippant remark in London opened the door for the Russians. The minute he said that, Putin and Lavrov jumped at the opportunity to use Kerry’s statement to keep Assad in power.

At the time Libya offered to get rid of its WMDs, they weren’t at war. It’s taken 8 years to get Libya’s WMD stockpiles under control. They’re still finding stockpiles of it. By comparison, Syria is in the midst of a bloody civil war. Further, they’re doing everything to shift their WMDs to new locations.  Sryia is insisting that the US take military strikes off the table before letting the weapon inspectors into their country.

The odds that Syria’s WMDs will be gone by July, 2014 are about as high as me getting hit with lightning while holding 2 winning lottery tickets. It’s a fiction, just like the community of nations, the Easter Bunny and unicorns are fiction.