Media Powerhouse Adds New Joe Show

Earl of Taint Reporting:

Bulletin: 

For Immediate Release

MFNS WORLD HQS.

"Middle Finger News Service, LLC (MFNS) one of the world’s largest and most admired media conglomerates announced today the addition of a new science reality show to their spring prime time cable lineup. 

Hosted by Vice President Joe Biden, each hour long episode will demonstrate the laws of nature as they impact our lives in everyday situations. Appearing as “Uncle Joe”, the ever-affable and proto-clueless Biden had previewers rolling in the aisles as he explains basic forces like gravity, resistance, fluid dynamics, energy/friction/heat and the physics of maple syrup in the context of walking, hitting your head, hair restoration and swimming naked with the grandkids....."  

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Middle Finger Weekly Celebrates Black History Month

Attorney Generals Office Report Says Sharyl Attkisson Lives in Fantasy Land

More Bullsh*t from Eric Holders Office

You may recall former CBS News reporter Sharyl Attkisson’s videos as well well as testimony before a congressional committee about her computer being hacked and her personal and professional privacy intruded on. Well, today the Justice Department’s Inspector General released a report on their investigation: Justice Department’s IG Report Disputes Attkisson’s Computer-Intrusion Allegations.

"Many of the allegations made by former CBS News reporter Sharyl Attkisson regarding alleged computer intrusions by the U.S. government are disputed in a report by the Justice Department’s inspector general. “The OIG’s investigation was not able to substantiate the allegations that Attkisson’s computers were subject to remote intrusion by the FBI, other government personnel, or otherwise,” reads the inspector general’s report.

In her book “Stonewalled,” Attkisson had issued a wide-ranging set of claims — that her CBS News work computers and her personal computer had been hacked, that a strange wire was found hanging from the cable TV/broadband box outside of her home and that her phone service went fuzzy. The inspector general’s report found that the cable in question was a “common” cable used by Attkisson’s broadband provider. Here’s how the report sums up the situation:

Lastly, Attkisson reported to the OIG that a “suspicious” cable was attached to her Internet Service Provider’s connection box installed on her house. She opined to the OIG that perhaps this cable was being used to “tap” her house. Further investigation by the OIG revealed that the cable was a common cable used by the provider and could not be used to monitor or otherwise affect the phone or internet service at her residence.... Read more

And in response to Attkisson’s videotape of an alleged hacker deleting content from her computer screen, the report says that the activity was caused by “the back space key being stuck.”

Now my question is, how could they be so confident the back space key was stuck if they weren't watching?

More Groups Demand Sacred Status for Their Prophets, Idols and Mascots

by Grunt of Monte Cristo

MFNS - The  Pew Research Center published poll results showing a surprising number of Americans take a anti-First Amendment stance regarding the recent Charlie Hebdo massacre in France.  Although a majority say it was acceptable for the French cartoonists to publish images of the Islamic prophet, nearly a third or all Americans, and 50% of all women, said it was “not okay.”

In the aftermath of these events, which show a shocking willingness among Americans to be buffaloed into limits on their own everyday behavior based on the demands of a pseudo-religious, mostly outlaw political system, a number of groups have come forward to demand that their own icons be treated with similar respect by all people, or possibly suffer consequences.  The following graphic illustrates six of the most prominent.

1. Ernesto “Che” Guevara: This petition was presented to President Obama by Raul Castro, who was a close friend of Che and a fellow revolutionary.  He points out, quite correctly, that Che is worshiped as a demigod in Cuba, and demands that “capitalist U.S. tee-shirt hawkers cease using Che’s sacred image on all products and send the profits to Cuba.”  He also asked that all images of Che be destroyed, reverently by burning, while sprinkling the flames with coca powder.  Obama has offered to help with this process, personally, if requested by anyone.

2. Neil deGrasse Tyson:  Ann Druyan, Carl Sagan’s final wife and the force behind the resurrected Cosmos TV series, has insisted that all images of Dr. Tyson be destroyed out of respect and recognition of the unique pinnacle of genius and heightened awareness achieved by NDT, even though he still occasionally works part-time in the Cal Tech Observatory Gift Shop to make ends meet.  Ms. Druyan is strangely okay with displays of the pagan images on Dr. Tyson’s vest, so feel free to continue using those images.

3. Cows:  That’s right; all cows.  Hindus the world over have declared that all cattle, being sacred to their religion, shall henceforth be protected from all disrespect.  That means that all cattle ranching must cease, milk ads must not use images of the sacred beasts, and leather goods will be banned.  They also point out, correctly, that theirs is an actual ancient religion, not something dreamed up by a mentally-disturbed, cradle-robbing caravan raider from the 7th-century.

4. Napoleon Bonaparte:  French Nationalists have been waiting for this moment for a long time.  They insist that the Emperor be recognized for the divine deliverer that he is, and that his images not be used to make him appear short or to confuse him with any of the other Napoleons of popular culture.

5. Michelle Obama’s Ass:  Fans of the Fabulous First Lady request that she continue to be given shameless over-exposure, all except for her large posterior.  They request that it be deleted from all photographs using Photo-Shop or Pixelmator or equivalent.

6. Denise Milani:   If you have to ask why this Sun-kissed, Aphrodite of Czech models shouldn't be given goddess status, then you must be a liberal.  Just ask Janicki.

Rachel Maddow Tests Balls In A Men's Room

Ricky Maddow, MSNBC's gender confused Starlet....Star....anchor goes all Mythbusters in this segment on the under-inflated foot-the-ball scandal, testing out the hypothesis that a New England Patriots employee may have done something nasty to the footballs in a stadium restroom.  

With the help of TRMS web producer Will Femia, Ricky tests whether it is indeed possible for one man to deflate 11 footballs by exactly 2 PSI in just 90 seconds, which is just one theory of this latest hennas crime to bubble forth from professional sports. 

We won’t spoil the results — not that Maddow  cares about them because as a Bostonian, she’s already certain the Patriots are innocent. But this is cable TV investigative time-killing at its finest.

Shockingly edited from the MSNBC video is the very end of the segment, Maddow’s handoff to Lawrence O’Donnell, in which O’Donnell said, “Now I’ve seen everything: The Rachel Maddow Show playing with balls in men’s rooms.”

“Yeah,” Maddow  replied, “You wouldn’t expect it from everything you’ve heard about this show, would you?” 

American Soldiers Liberate ISIS Sex-Slaves

The U.S and the Fight Against Islamic Militancy:

"The former head of the Defense Intelligence Agency slammed the Obama administration on Monday as 'well intentioned' but paralyzed and playing defense in its the fight against Islamic militancy.

"Recently retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn called for the U.S. to lead the charge in a sweeping, decades-long campaign against the Islamic State Group, al-Qaeda and its ilk -- a fight like the one against the former Soviet Union, against a enemy 'committed to the destruction of freedom and the American way of life.'

 "'There is no substitute, none, for American power,' the general said, to occasional cheers and ultimately a standing ovation from a crowd of special operators and intelligence officers at a Washington industry conference." 

— Kimberly Dozier, Former CBS and AP Correspondent