Captain Ahab Aims Harpoons at Trump’s Tweets

The New York Times reports that special counsel Robert Mueller “is scrutinizing tweets and negative statements from the president about Attorney General Jeff Sessions and the former FBI director James B. Comey.” The Old Gray Lady did not divulge whether the special counsel also seeks the names of books checked out on the president’s library card. As far as fishing expeditions go, this one evokes one such adventure told 167 years ago — and still checked out of libraries today.

“But shall this crazed old man be tamely suffered to drag a whole ship’s company down to doom with him?” No Starbuck sails on the Badship Bob Mueller. Ahab fixates on the whale and loses sight of the mandate of his mission, the collateral damage that his monomania unleashes, and, ultimately, reality itself. The 140-characters-or-less presidential prose strikes as somewhat less esoteric and metaphorical than Moby-Dick. Do literary offenses amount to legal ones? They do when zealous prosecutors cannot find real crimes. The New York Times notes in its report, “Prosecutors who lack one slam-dunk piece of evidence in obstruction cases often search for a larger pattern of behavior, legal experts said.”

To produce a mighty book, Herman Melville explains, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be who have tried it. Robert Mueller, who couldn’t convict Hells Angels and tried to frame Steven Hatfill as a domestic terrorist, now tries to write a mighty book with Donald Trump as his Moby Dick. This one figures to end for Ahab the same way the first one did.

Beware of fishing expeditions. You might catch something; monomania more likely than Moby Dick. They tend to hook the fisherman more often than the fish. But the man attached to one end of the line never sees it that way. - READ MORE

Obama Didn't Ban Reporters, He Just had Them Thrown Out.

The WH press corps, or maybe it better said 'activists masquerading as journalists', and their at-the-ready outrage went full tilt and made the story about them after a CNN reporter was banned from a Rose Garden ceremony for previously screaming at the President during a photo op and then refusing to leave when asked. To listen to them today you'd think this is a disgraceful historic first by a US presidential administration. Well, not quite. Barky Obama limited and pushed around his lapdog media like no one else, especially after being reelected.  And remember how people laughed at the comment he had made that his would be the most transparent presidency in history?

Let's Take a look at a few examples of how Barky treated the press in past shall we? 

Obama The Puppet Master

“The way the president’s availability to the press has shrunk in the last two years is a disgrace,” said ABC News White House reporter Ann Compton, who has covered every president back to Gerald R. Ford. This is different from every president I covered. This White House goes to extreme lengths to keep the press away.”

Obama Shuts Out White House Reporters Yet Again

"On Wednesday, while Obama met with donors from the House Majority PAC, the reporters were not even told where the meeting was taking place. The press corps has rallied together in recent months to protest restrictions on White House access, but despite their demands they continue to be locked out of major events in and out of the Oval Office.The White House Correspondents Association filed a formal complaint with press secretary Josh Earnest on Tuesday......"

Here’s just one of the times Obama had a reporter removed for interrupting him “in his house” the press claps wildly, even starts chanting Obama’s name while the reporter is being removed for yelling “NO MORE DEPORTATIONS”
 
And let not forget this reporter who was kindly asked to leave AF1.....

Even during the 2008 campaign Barky dissed the press:
Obama Boots Reporters From Conservative Papers while nonpolitical publications like Glamour and Jet magazines remained on board, at times even eliminated from the plane's traveling press were the Washington Times, the New York Post and the Dallas Morning News. 

And this from 2015: Washington Free Beacon’s Adam Kredo ejected from a State Department media briefing in Vienna and senior department officials threatened to call security on him, without him even saying a word.

But we wouidn't want all this to get out. Some people might be a bit embarrassed.......

Historic City to Change Name in Response to LGBTQ Protest

Middle Finger News Exclusive

D.F. Krause Reporting

Detroit Bends Over to Gay Protest of Homophobic City Name  

I guess this was inevitable. It was only a matter of time before the LGBTQYXZ social justice warriors figured out that Detroit was French for “of the straits,” and even though “strait” in no way means the same thing as “straight,” who cares? Things that come alive on the Twitter make as much sense as an episode of Will & Grace, and don’t ask me to explain any of those. It’s 2018 and SJWs get results quickly:

The City Council met in an emergency session just hours after Mayor Duggan’s apologetic tweet, and voted unanimously to change the city’s name to 'D’efféminé.

Everything changes now. Well, not the Lions sucking at football. But most everything. D’efféminé will still make cars, but no more of those gas-guzzling pickups. We’ve done enough feeding of all that machismo in Warren. Suburban Ferndale is concerned about losing its residents, but that’s a topic for another day.

Vive l’apostrophé!

At least it still starts with a D. The locals won’t have to get rid of those weird English letters on their hats. But now that they have to get used to D’efféminé, Michigan. I wonder if they don’t need to update their headwear to reflect the more properly sensitive.... sensibilities with which the letter represents the city.

There were a few people who objected to the change. They called themselves "Don’t Take Our Troit", or DTOT for short.

They argued that: a) “of the straits” has nothing to do with heterosexuality, and isn’t even spelled the same; b) this is really, really stupid; and c) all those Canadians across the river are laughing their little dandy canuk asses off. The group spoke to WXYZ-TV to express its objections. The response to DTOT came swiftly in the form of a joint statement from General Motors, Ford, Chrysler, Blue Cross Blue Shield, the UAW and Mitch Albom. It said:

“We denounce in the strongest terms the bigotry and hatred of DTOT, which we can’t help but note could also stand for 'Donald Trump Our Thicky'. 

The D’efféminé community must come together and oppose all forms of hatred and intolerance, and if that requires members of DTOT to be thrown from the Ambassador Bridge, tolerance must be protected at all costs.”

On Friday night, the D’efféminé Tigers will host the Cleveland Indigenous Peoples for the first of a three-game series. We could not confirm at press time that Kid Rock will be sitting alongside Chief Wahoo at the game, but things happen quickly in D’efféminé, Michigan.

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* Middle Finger News Service is a registered subsidiary of Diogenes' Middle Finger Inc. Ltd. RCC, RSVP, POD. Not to be confused with uppity, poorly done imitation fake news purveyors like CNN and MSNBC.  Middle Finger News brings you only the best and most honest REAL Fake News. We Stay Over The Target.  Accept No Imitations.  "Unamerican and Uncosmopolitan, Despicable Hooligans"....... John Kerry

Little Prick David Hogg Threatens DJT on the Tweeter

After the president tweeted out a warning to Iranian leaders to knock off the threats against America, little David Hogg, who's fifteen minutes of fame was abruptly interrupted by a porn star, treasonist government officials and a fat korean kid with a bad haircut, was trying to be a keyboard badass when he tweeted out his own belligerent rhetoric mirroring the tweet sent out by President on Monday.

Hogg is just an ambitious opportunist struggling to remain relevant and now little more than an unnecessary tool of the sensationalist media. So Yesterday. His pathetic boycotts and anti-constitutional screeds wore thin. You'd think he'd know threatening the President just ain't cool, and it would be a real shame if the secret service was to show up and put little David's balls in a vice for the evening. He's more than earned it.......

Candidate for Chicago Mayor Be Handing Out Cash Up In Here!

Willie Wilson, candidate for Mayor of Chicago, hands out CASH at a public event. 

CHICAGO — Chicago mayoral candidate Willie Wilson denies he was trying to buy anyone's vote when he handed out close to $200,000 to churchgoers at a packed Chicago south side Sunday service. The millionaire businessman said his appearance at the New Covenant Missionary Baptist Church was nothing more than "one of the biggest property tax relief assistance" events of the year. *Wink Wink*

According to The Illinois State Board of Elections Wilson wasn't breaking any campaign finance laws because the money supposedly came from his non-profit foundation. An aide to Wilson said the businessman gave away $300,000 to 2,000 people through the Dr. Willie Wilson Foundation, a 501(c)(3). Wilson’s campaign spokesman insists today’s appearance was not campaign related. But Chicago politicos on both sides of the aisle raised concerns about the event. Reached by phone, F. Scott Winslow, Wilson for Mayor campaign spokesman, told WGN News Sunday’s event was “absolutely not” a campaign event. Winslow says since Wilson launched his second bid for Chicago mayor, he’s probably given away $500,000.

Wilson insists he organized the giveaway to assist homeowners who are struggling to pay their property tax bills. "You pay the highest property taxes in America here in Chicago and the South Side and the south suburbs. The system is broken and I’m trying to fix it." 

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As of Monday evening, there is reported a run on 25 inch chrome rims at south side Auto Parts stores, long lines at nail salons and shortages of fake hair weaves at local beauty supply stores as well a thick haze and heavy scent of marijuana hanging over the southside of Chicago.

H/T - Konan the Bar Barron

FISA Applications Did Indeed Omit Game-Changing Facts

When DOJ Inspector General Michael Horowitz released his report last month on the FBI’s investigation into Hillary Clinton’s use of a private server he said that, although it was clear that FBI officials harbored strong anti-Trump bias, he could not find evidence that their bias affected the key decisions in the case.

Well, here is your evidence, Mr. Horowitz:

"Tom Fitton, founder and editor of Judicial Watch, confirmed they received documents (at 5:30 on a Saturday evening) related to the FBI’s application for the FISA warrant (and renewals) to surveil former Trump foreign policy advisor, Carter Page. Although they were heavily redacted, including entire pages, they do indeed indicate that the Steele Dossier was the “major component.” The documents can be viewed here. 

"Fitton put out a statement Saturday night: "These documents are heavily redacted but seem to confirm the FBI and DOJ misled the courts in withholding the material information that Hillary Clinton’s campaign and the DNC were behind the “intelligence” used to persuade the courts to approve the FISA warrants that targeted the Trump team. Given this corruption, President Trump should intervene and declassify the heavily redacted material."

The document states: “The FBI speculates to the FISA court that the U.S. person was likely looking for information that could be used to discredit candidate 1’s campaign.” It omits the single, most significant fact about the dossier, which is who exactly was behind it. 

The FBI, the nation’s top law enforcement agency, left out the game-changing information that the Dossier was bank-rolled by the Hillary Clinton Campaign and the DNC, which Hillary had bailed out financially and essentially controlled. 

They left out the fact that Glenn Simpson, co-founder of opposition research firm Fusion GPS, commissioned former British spy Christopher Steele, to put together the dossier. 

And they failed to say that Nellie Ohr, the wife of senior Justice Department official Bruce Ohr, was hired to help investigate then-candidate Donald Trump. She was especially hired because of whom she was married to. This is not speculation. Glenn Simpson acknowledged this in a court document, saying that they “contracted with her to help our company with its research and analysis of Mr. Trump.” He also said that Bruce Ohr met with Steele during the 2016 campaign. 

Had the FBI revealed the true origin of the document on the FISA warrant application, it would never have been approved. FBI officials were keenly aware of this, so they hid information. Following the release of the DOJ documents, Carter Page said, “I’m having trouble finding any small bit of this document that rises above complete ignorance and/or insanity.” 

Powerline blog’s John Hinderaker, who practiced law for over 40 years, points out four observations from his first glance at the documents. - READ MORE

[Judicial Watch]

[RS Diaries]

H/T Crazy Cousin Olivia

A Good Monday Morning