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Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Chair of Music - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director
- "Here I am in the place where I come to get low. Miami, the bass and the sunset low." — Will Smith
- Tonight, I am a dancing bear, to be jeered at by a fickle press corps who surrendered their hearts to me in Texas, only to decide I wasn't good enough to bring home to mom and dad, that I wasn't "‘long-term" material, that they always saw our relationship as "more of a side chick situation." I'm starting to think they only shacked up with me to get back at Ted. Just look at them, sitting there all smug, talking trash behind my back to all their friends. Assholes.
- Miami is the opposite of "punk," but at least everyone speaks Spanish here. On a related note, I owe Jeb Bush a debt of gratitude for reminding me to stop listing my ethnicity as "Hispanic." I'm not sure I could fake another apology for abusing my privilege. They would have roasted me for doing that, and yet somehow Pocahontas over here gets a pass. Maybe she's what the media had in mind when they told me they wanted to "try girls for a change."
- If they call on Cory Booker before me and he starts speaking Spanish I am going to quit the race right here, right now. His accent is terrible. I wish I was black, though, or at least gay. America is a tapestry. It's exhausting, spouting all this vague nonsense about "fair" taxation and "universal healthcare access". What am I even doing here? I miss the road. I miss the heartland. I miss the solitude of sunsets. Hell, I miss the blog, that feeling of discovery and the archeology of excavating words from dirt — the great American soil on which dreams are built. If it comes to that, I'll say I'm quitting because I miss my wife and kids.
- Relax, Beto. This is your chance to shine. Tienes el poder de las palabras. None of the other candidates would dare attack you. Not with Lyin' Liz Warren standing front and center. Not with Joe Biden leading the pack. You're the underdog, you're going to prove everyone wrong, even the media. - READ MORE
CULVER CITY, CA (AP) – Hot on the heels of ‘Jeopardy!’ champion James Holzhauer’s 33-game, $2.5 million winning streak, Democrat Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren appeared on the show to set a record of her own. In Warren’s case, though, it was pretty much the exact opposite of Holzhauer’s run, as Warren defied all odds by actually obtaining the lowest theoretical possible score of -$58,000 by offering “what is a new government program?” as her response every time she buzzed in first, which she did every time host Alex Trebek read an answer.
During a post-game interview, Warren seemed baffled by the turn of events. “I don’t understand,” said Warren. “I phrased it in the form of a question every time, didn’t I?
AOC Sobs at the Downfall of Her Socialist Ally |
Beto O'Rourke on #DemDebate performance: "I'd give myself an A." http://hill.cm/wsOYVjy
Flatulence Goldberg - Clinical Example of Near Fatal TDS |
"Not yet! Not yet! You think this is not, you know, something that's been thrown around? You should read more of the stuff that’s in newspapers so you can see what people are doing!
What newspapers?? Back off the herb pipe Whoopi. She sounded a lot like like her insane former co-host Rosie O’Donnell, who earlier this week claimed the U.S. had hundreds of thousands of “concentration camps.” Now Goldberg was implying to national audience that gays are going to be rounded up or be exterminated.