"Come on America....... Love Me!”

MFNS - So how does America top the electing of the nations first black president....twice? Why of course, naturally it's time to put a woman in the oval office now! Only one women is evident.  Performing brilliantly as First lady for two successful terms and as Secretary of State, single handedly bringing peace to the Middle East when no man could, the choice is clear.

Hillary Clinton is the strong favorite in the 2016 race, leading in polls against all potential democratic and republican rivals by sizable margins. But Clinton herself isn't so sure it's her time to take the Oval Office, repeatedly telling reporters that she's struggling with the decision. Today, MFNS uncovered in a brief phone interview with Hillary herself precisely what that struggle is all about... attention and praise.

“I feel like I want to run, and I'd do a great job as president if I were to win, but I don't know if I'm running yet or not,” Hillary began. “I'm still not sure if the American people would get behind me if I ran. There needs to be a little more evidence to support that. I need a little more praise and attention before I make up my mind.”

“I'm leading in every poll, even the right-leaning ones,” Clinton continued. “There are a bunch of TV miniseries', documentaries, and feature films being made about me. I'm on the cover of magazines and newspapers in every one of the fifty states, and I nearly won in 2008, and would have if I didn't cry on television. Political groups I'm not even personally affiliated with are raising millions of dollars for me before I've even announced if I'm running. Heck, even `Pantsuit Aficionado Magazine' named me their `person of the year' like, twelve times, mostly consecutively! That's about as high an honor as a person can get, shy of winning the presidency of course.”

But none of that seems to be enough praise for the former First Lady. “I need more love and affection hurled at me from the media, my fellow political figures, and the public at large. I won't make a final decision until I'm 100% confident that I'm the most beloved lady in America, shy of Oprah of course. I mean, come on, being more popular or famous than Oprah is just flat-out crazy talk. But I can get a little closer to that than I am now. And once I do, that's when I'll make my final decision. So come on America... love me!”  

Obama's Answer to Debt Reduction: New Taxes and Supermodel Nipples

MFNS - With the impending government shutdown, growing debt and a rebellious House of Representatives on his tail, the president announced today that while his administrative White House staff works feverishly to bring about new a jobs bill, he'll be single-handedly working like a laser beam on fiscal responsibility, penning his own debt reduction plan. The President says that the new bill could have our national debt completely obliterated within three years.

“When President Eisenhower occupied my office, the tax rate for the top bracket was 90%,” Obama explained. “We can't raise taxes these days without those right wingers throwing a conniption fit, but I think we can probably find ways of taxing those @&*%#s without them actually realizing it.”

The President's plan, which is still in its early draft phases, will create a special 60% sales tax on golf equipment, luxury vehicles (including cars, aircraft, and yachts), fillet mignon, cigars, homes costing seven figures or more, maid services, and administrative costs for anyone naming their newborn child `something that ends with III.'”

But the real ingenuity in the President's plan comes in the form of his income tax system. “I spend a lot of time around wealthy people,” President Obama said. “They may not always realize it, but they're always willing to pay more for something if they think it's special, or higher-class. So we're going to raise the income taxes for everyone earning $1 million per year or more to 70%, but tell them we're lowering their taxes to 10%.”

The President watched the confused press pool scratch their heads for a moment before continuing.

“Here's where it gets clever, are you ready for it? The other 60%? We'll tell them they're special, higher-quality taxes on very special tax forms. These special taxes forms are made in the Swiss Alps by hand from endangered Rafflesia flowers from the Amazon by the US Women's Olympic Swim Team, in the buff, with ink heated in a special diamond-encrusted gold oven, fueled by humpback whale oil, before it's thinned with rare Taiwanese squirrel monkey liver oil. The final result is ink that coke-laden supermodels use to dip their nipples in, and with that, all of the letters on the tax forms are inked.”

"These rich bastards are willing to pay $8,000 for a cigar from Mexico that's labeled as being from Cuba, then screw it, they'll over-pay for just about anything they think is uppercrust. While we're at it, maybe we'll lie and tell them that this money won't be going toward building schools, or feeding the hungry, or giving health care to poor children and senior citizens. Let's just say the added taxes go to building new golf courses. I'll bet they won't mind paying their fair share if that's the case!” 

Dozens Sickened, Hospitalised At Navy Yard Memorial Service

by MFNS correspondent Earl of Taint

A mysterious gas released during today’s memorial service for the Navy Yard victims has hospitalized dozens of people exposed to the noxious substance. Witnesses on the scene reported a stench so foul that it was difficult to breathe before it dispersed, approximately 12 minutes after it was first emitted. Police have yet to identify the source of the gas, stating they cannot rule out terrorism at this point.

Read the Complete Report Here 

Hillary Pays a Visit......

Fishnet Friday

A Chance to Put on the Feedbag With Moochelle Obama

this via WZ

"This DCCC email just came in:

Drew –

We wanted you to be the first to know:

Michelle Obama is joining us for brunch — and you could be there! Here’s the deal: if you win, we’ll send you and a friend to San Francisco to meet Michelle, grab brunch, and get a picture. We’ll even cover your hotel and airfare!

Seriously, you don’t want to miss this chance. A brunch and picture with Michelle Obama is a once-in-a-lifetime moment that you’ll be showing your kids and grandkids for years!"

[SNIP]

If I won the invite to the brunch, these guys are who I'd send in my place.....

The Amazing Statue of Genghis Khan

Amusing Planet

To the outside world, Genghis Khan, the fearsome Mongolian warrior who conquered half the known world in the 13th century, is remembered for his brutalities and destruction that he brought upon the conquered regions resulting in the death of forty million people. But to Mongolians, he is a national hero, a larger-than-life figure and the symbol of Mongolian culture, and for good reasons. Genghis Khan founded the Mongol Empire, which became the largest contiguous empire in history, revived the Silk Road, uniting warring tribes and was responsible for cementing the position of Mongols in the world’s map.

After Mongolia overthrew communist rule more than 20 years ago, there appeared a slew of monuments and products celebrating the famous personage known locally as Chinggis Khaan.

Photos and story Here