S & P Downgrades MSNBC Host's IQ

Nominee for Diogenes' 2011 Asshat of the Year

In light of resent idiotic statements, Standard and Poor’s took the unprecedented action today of downgrading media personality Special Ed Schultz IQ. While the effects of such an extraordinary measure are hard to predict, experts say the IQ downgrade could result in Schultz having difficulty completing sentences, operating a television remote and excessive drooling.

 Ed and Edith Schultz 

Insiders at MSNBC, the unruly little bastard brother of the once respected NBC News, says Schlutz recent psychotic outbursts and rambling diatribes against anyone on the right is in some part his attempt to remain ahead of the networks newest ratings sensation, the always eloquent cultural pundit and International Geopolitical expert, Al Sharpton. At this writing, they seem to be in a heated race to the bottom of the cable ratings. 

Schultz's twin sister Edith Schultz Hayes, wife of Marvin Ashcott Hayes, the heir to the Tampon fortune told Diogenes the family all think Ed is "very special", but fear he may come unglued right there on the air. "Eddy and I grew up poor" she said, and that Ed was sometime forced to wear Edith's clothes. "That and eating his boogers kinda made Ed a little twisted, ya know."

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Let's Get Ready to Rumble - Rick Perry Edition

In a previous post 'Let's Get Ready to Rumble - 2012' 
I included the unannounced candidate, Gov. Rick Perry of Texas. As of that writing, he was said to be undecided. Well, last weekend Perry declared his candidacy and was, as expected, leaped on by weasels in the the media. Now we are swamped with critical articles about Perry and backward Texans, by people who knew very little about the state or its governor until a few days ago.

Having grown up in the Great State of Texas and now living in a neighboring state, I have observed Perry's career as Governor, as I did with the Arkansas Clown with the pants problem, Bill Clinton.
   
So, my friend Publius Minimus and I will now analyze the effectiveness of these media criticisms, and once we're  finished you shouldn't need to read any more articles about Perry (unless I write them, of course). 

CRITICISM:

PERRY IS A MORON  

Perry scored mediocre exam results (a D in Shakespeare, a D in economics, a C in American history) did not graduate FROM YALE OR HARVARD; a propensity for wearing cowboy boots; Texas accent; grew up on a farm.

*This strategy was used against Ronald Reagan (amiable dunce) and failed; Yale grad Bush, Jr. was also characterized as an imbecile, and served two terms. Why? Because labeling as fools politicians who embody (whether truthfully or not) the aspirations and ideals of vast swathes of the population alienates the very people “liberals” (20% of the electorate) most need to win over to their side. It’s pathological, not strategic. As governor of Texas, Perry has a strong economic record, and this, in most people's minds will be more important than some exams he took forty years ago; which leads us directly to… 

CRITICISM: 

THE TEXAS ECONOMIC MIRACLE IS A MYTH 

Perry's most powerful argument for his candidacy is Texas's record of job creation- 37% of all jobs created in the United States since June 2009 were created in the state. Perry argues this is a result of sound economic management, low taxes, minimal regulation, tort reform, etc. To which Democrats and media talking heads reply: Texas is just lucky, it has oil, the military, and most of those jobs are minimum wage anyway. Plus, you’ve still got high unemployment. 

*Iran is awash with oil and soldiers but it is not very successful economically. Obviously policies play a part, otherwise California, blessed with abundant natural wealth, beautiful weather and the 8th largest economy on the globe, would not be teetering on the verge of bankruptcy and experiencing a mass exodus of its population…into Texas. The comments about minimum wage jobs smack of an elitist disconnect from reality as these days just about any job is a toehold on the ladder up. Nor are they true: since the recession started, hourly wages in Texas have increased at the sixth fastest rate in the US. Texas unemployment is still high, but lower than the national average, and Obama is on very weak ground indeed when he talks about job creation. 

CRITICISM: 

PERRY IS A RELIGIOUS NUT/HATES ABORTION/GAYS, ETC.

Perry held a big prayer rally in Houston at the start of August – creepy! He talks about Jesus – what a nut! He’s against gay marriage…. probably hates Muslims, too.

*Perry’s religiousness and social conservatism is something he shares with many millions of Americans, so see the problem with Criticism #1 above. His stance on gay marriage is the same as Obama’s. I vaguely recall that Perry once received complaints from Buddhists who were upset when he said they won’t go to heaven when they die. Some reporters will have fun with that if they can be bothered to dig it up. At the end of the day, when one in five people in the country are on food stamps and the economy smells like a vast sinkhole filled with rotten fish, only ideologues care about these issues.

Thus, we're not persuaded that these early lines of attack will prove very effective against Perry, who has never lost an election. Unless the governor fails to adapt his Texan “screw you” style of campaigning to the national level, or is revealed as a cannibal, he will prove a strong candidate. 

The key thing to know about Rick Perry is that in Texas, nobody loves him very much, not even Republicans, and yet he always trounces his opponents. That translates to one thing; he has skill. 

...and unlike Barack Obama, he has a Brass Pair! 

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Educational Crash Course #35

Another Installment of Diogenes'

Public Service Educational Series: 

History of the World: Slightly Abridged

Next in Series: Career Advancement
with Keith Olbermann


CLASS DISMISSED!

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Obama Says He'll Work on that Job Plan Thing When He Gets Back From Vacation…

"On his 938th day in office President Obama also said he would soon have a completed jobs plan. Maybe early fall, something like that. And he complained, "We could do even more if Congress is willing to get in the game."

L.A.Times

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The Smithsonian Inaugurates New WTF Wing

 The New

'OMGWTF Were We Thinking' 
Wing of the Smithsonian Museum

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If Democrats Really Told the Truth.......

  
Just admit it, that's all I ask. Admit your ballot was cast for Barack Obama on November 4, 2008 so you could turn off your brain come January 20, 2009. You voted for him so future visits to the doctor wouldn't include the removing of your insurance card, driver's license and co-pay from your wallet and then presenting these items to the nurse/receptionist. You voted for Mr. Obama so you could walk into the office of any doctor and say, "ObamaCare".

Admit you attempt to shame people into believing this big bad world is too complex for conservatism. "Championing freedom and limited government isn't sufficient; we need complex solutions to complex problems," you say, hoping to force individuals to cheerfully give up their freedom for fear they'll otherwise be labeled stupid.  Admit you're so ignorant regarding money matters that you deem anyone suggesting you personally handle the investing of your salary "evil".
 
The Democrat Party is full of whiners who cry out, "Pass legislation that allows me to scratch health care from my list of complicated issues with which I must concern myself. Though I am able bodied, please make it possible for me live the life of a helpless invalid. Seriously, how about a bill that mandates the mailman actually place Netflix rental's in my DVD player."

Why can't liberals admit you just want to be average in every way? You want to spend a maximum of eight hours per weekday at work, then go home and watch mindless television until it's beddy-bye time. This is all you want out of life and freedom makes it impossible for you to proceed through such a vapid existence without worry. "Take away everyone's freedom to prosper so I have comfort in knowing my laziness will never land me in the poor house." 
 
You probably believe your big government solutions  to helping the masses are heroic, but how often do Herculean motion picture protagonists shout, "I will put down my weapons and wait for an elected official to get me out of this seemingly unsolvable circumstance!" 
 
Conservatives understand there will be differences of opinion, but we strenuously object to liberals fibbing for the express purpose of convincing the ignorant masses that they're not trying to control the entire population. You often hear President Obama and Vice President Biden claim to be proponents of freedom, yet, for the first time in her history, citizens of the United States will soon be forced to purchase a product.

They can't have it both ways.

Is anybody better off than they were two years ago? Can anybody imagine how bad things will be after two additional years with Obama at the reigns? He threw billions of dollars at a problem with a private sector solutions, on the verge of a debt fiasco. Instead of leading, he played golf and left the important decisions up to other people.  He is now in his 3rd year of office, and the W. excuse is running real thin. Now he is shifting the blame on the Tea Party, a group whose only sin is organizing, demonstrating, and demanding that the government stop running a deficit. To use a football analogy, Obama took a 6-10 Bush economy and turned it into a 2-14 team.
 
As President, Obama is about as popular as a Cowshit sandwich, and shows all the political skill of a deaf and blind amputee gearing up to play a piano concerto. He will need that same misinformed masses that came out for him 3 years ago to come out again, if he wants to keep his job.

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British expected to take Gold, and Silver and..

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