The Year of the Tiger. The CFB National Championship Final: Clempston vs LSU

First Things First. A Note to visiting Tigers fans of both stripes: I have it on good word and can give you pretty solid assurances that the hotels and bars of New Orleans will not run out of Beer as do some other so-called host cities of CFB bowl contest. [/SARC]

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Monday Night the Breck Girl and The Fightin' Dabos of Clempston roll into the Superdome to take on Bayou Jeaux and Coach O's LSU Fightin' Tigahs for the Championship of College Football.  Statistically, it will be the second highest scoring offense against the No. 1 scoring and passing defense in America. Statistically. The Fightin' Dabos haven't seen anything like LSU’s receivers.

The Breck Girl has never lost a game as a college QB. But there's a first time for everything they say. A victory by LSU would be their 6th win of their 15 against teams who are currently ranked in the top 9 of the Associated Press poll. A Clempston win would be their 3rd Championship title in 4 years, and win #30 in a row.

I had planed to sit down with a glass or two of my favorite spirits and write an epic detailed pre-game post complete with analysis and numerous reasons I believe my Fighting Tigers are to be victorious, not just to inform and entertain the DMF reader, but to bolster my own confidence of this truth.  But after some meditation on this years season I found it really no longer necessary.

You see, I remember LSU's 2007 Championship season very well, and in my mental wandering in time noticed some remarkable similarities to 2019.  I can assure the readers I have never believed in coincident. And I'm not one to believe in magic. But after this season, I do believe things can be magical.  With that said, I present this info for your consideration:

Mike the Tiger VI came to campus in the fall of 2007 as a majestic two year old and proudly presided over that LSU National Championship season.  His beautiful successor, Mike VII, became two years old this season.

In 2007, Les Miles was in his third season as Head Coach of LSU.
This season is Ed Orgeron's third full year as Tiger HC

In 2007, LSU beat Alabama in Tuscaloosa.
2019 was the first time since 2011 LSU beat Alabama..... and did it  in Tuscaloosa.

LSU won the 2007 Championship in the New Orleans Superdome, again the site of this years crowning of the CFB Champion.  

In 2007, LSU defeated the Ohio St. BuckNutts, a participant in the previous years Championship contest.  Clemptson will take the field Monday as the Defending National Champion.

I once commented to my SEC Sister Curmudgeon (maker of most excellent Game Day graphics) sometime before before this years SEC Championship game, that I was starting to believe the stars may be aligning and the gods of football were gazing favorable upon the Purple and Gold. She agreed. Then this weekend I learned of one more fact that wiped away any doubt in my mind.........  

The very day Billy Cannon,  LSU's only Heisman Trophy Winner died, the 2019 Heisman Winner signed his transfer to play at LSU.  In 1958, Cannon led LSU to a Sugar Bowl win in New Orleans to secure their first National Championship of the modern era........by defeating Clemson University. 

For coach O's Tigers, it's more than just about a ring. More than just about a trophy. It's, indeed, about hours and hours of sweat and pain in the early morning hours of the sultry sun rises of a hot Louisiana summer when most everyone else was still asleep, when no media or TV cameras are on them.  It's about pen-point focus. On a shared goal long set, now just sixty minutes away.

One Team. One Heartbeat. 

Yes, I do indeed believe things can be magical........

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

~ NO TUXEDOS REQUIRED ~

Brought to you By BLUESJUNKY: Chair of Music - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director

Please, Someone Make It Stop. Lizzy Is Dancin' Again.

Senator Lizzy's once promising presidential campaign has kinda hit the skids now that she says she wants us to eat the rich and she's running out of free things to promise, not to mention Jules Winnfield is pointing a gun at her yellin "say I got a plan for that one more time bitch!" Progtards are starting to seeing she’s faker than a 3-dollar bill.

No one would ever accuse Lizzy of having a sense of self awareness and lately, when taking the stage and just before she starts yelling some goofy policy ideas while shaking like a speed freak, she thinks she can get her some traction by dancing. But unfortunately she can’t dance. And she won't stop!  I mean really, it’s one of the most plastic and embarrassing things I've ever seen. And we know it won't stop soon because she really loves it when the selfie line starts, because they play Dolly Parton's "9 to 5," and she just has a hard time not dancing to that.

I know your terrible advisers told you to be more relatable and dance but really the trick is just being your authentic self. No more no less @ewarren pic.twitter.com/iNSagQhqZH

— Secular Talk (@KyleKulinski) January 9, 2020

It's like no one even knows what dancing is anymore. He and Warren look like they're half-assedly trying to get water out of their ear.

— Cate, left-handed (@CateSJewels) January 10, 2020

Lizzy is trying really hard to be young and hip, only to come off as one of those promotional attention getters that are a colorful nylon tube thing, kept in motion with blown hot air, with the arms, eyes, and face that you see on used car lots, and other grand openings?  That dancing ain’t helping. Make it stop before she hurts herself, or endangers the general public.
Someone get a net! 

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Let's Hope This Becomes a Trend on the Left......

Fishnet Friday

Assistant New York Times Wedding Section Editor Dan Gould Issues Corrections

Corrections: Jan 8, 2020

(NYT) The New York Times would like to issue corrections for the wedding announcement of Mr. Adam Penview to Ms. Katie Jasper that ran in yesterday's Wedding Section.

We incorrectly identified in the announcement that Mr. Adam Penview and Ms. Katie Jasper were married at the Church of the Holy Trinity in Manhattan. They were married at St. Brigid’s. Additionally, we inaccurately wrote that the groom “attended Cornell University and double-majored in English and Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends.”

Mr. Penview, in fact, only majored in English. He did not major in “Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends,” as that is not currently an existing track of study at Cornell or any other accredited university.

In addition, we erroneously wrote yesterday that Mr. Penview was the “son of Dr. Ryan Penview, a third-generation ophthalmologist, and Mrs. Claire Penview, a Zuckerberg-ass beaver-bitch.” Mrs. Penview practiced law in New York State until 2004, and is considered by many to be a friendly and beautiful member of her community, bearing no resemblance whatsoever to Mark Zuckerberg or his rear end. “Beaver-bitch” is not a profession.

We also incorrectly noted yesterday that the couple met “while the bride was dating the totally devoted and now very successful New York Times Wedding Section Editor Dan Gould.

Dan guesses he just wasn’t good enough for you Katie, because you had to go hump that piece of shit Adam Penview that you met at the English major mixer while Dan left Ithaca for the weekend to go to his Nana’s 90th birthday in Needham, Mass. Dan even brought you back a hat from the birthday party that said ‘Ethel’s Doin’ It For One Night Only.’ FYI, Adam, it counts as incest if you sleep with another English major’s girlfriend, since English majors are BASICALLY BROTHERS. Nana will live forever!!!”

Though factually correct, the New York Times apologizes for the way in which Mr. Penview and Ms. Jasper’s first meeting and relationship history were portrayed. Additionally, the hat actually read “Ethel’s Not 90…She’s 89.95 Plus Tax.” She has since passed.

Yesterday, we printed that “God Katie sorry I’m writing all this I’ve taken a lot of Robitussin you are so beautiful. You look like a young Nancy Kerrigan. Oh God I love you.” In fact, Mr. Gould had only taken a moderate amount of Robitussin.

Yesterday, we wrote “Katie, I’m so sorry, oh God, please come back, I think you can get weddings annulled really easily, it’s like a five-second rule type thing. Also Adam, I’m really sorry, I actually think you’re a pretty good guy, I once had a dream that you saved me from Gwyneth Paltrow's steaming vagina.  Granted, I had taken a lot of Robitussin that night, but when I woke up I did feel sincerely indebted to you.” I don’t know where to start. The New York Times is just so sorry for this entire paragraph.  

Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the New York Times, what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!

We wrote in the paragraph above that says “Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the New York Times what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!”  In actuality, Dan Gould just broke back into the Corrections Department and stole the computer that I’m writing this on. He has been promptly escorted from the building and arrested. In addition, The New York Times is an extremely current print newspaper that offers breaking unbiased news and fun crossword puzzles. Fuck Dan Gould.

We retract “Fuck Dan Gould.”

We apologize for these mistakes.

TIME Offers Help With Your 'Woke' Kindergartener

I remember reading in the early hours after the 2016 election how so many journalist and Hollywood types were lamenting on how difficult it was going to be to explain to their young children that DJT was now president. I couldn't help be giggle as I envisioned them seated in front of their 4 year old staring back at them over their unwanted bowl of soggy coco puffs in puzzlement as they eat a booger. 

PJM - For reasons I will never fathom, 21st-century American leftists continue to insist that the country is crawling with woke eight-year-olds who are forever curious about national political topics of the day. They do this despite all available observable evidence proving them wrong. It is, put simply, a world that does not exist. Anybody polluting their young kids’ realities with politics is probably only being met with blank stares and irritation because the kid has to get back to playing Minecraft or Fortnite.

As print journalism and the magazine industry continue their slow but inevitable march to extinction, it often feels as if the once-venerable Time is trying to commit suicide to hasten the process. Long ago, Time was a great publication, holding a status in the national conversation that was eclipsed by few of its rivals. Today, Time is mostly known for beclowning itself with its annual "Person of the Year" issue, which most recently awarded the "honor" to the climate-change snake oil-peddling weirdo Greta Thunberg. The rest of the year, the magazine is little more than a Democratic talking points pamphlet.

On Monday, Time published an article titled "How to Talk to Your Kids About the Situation With Iran." The title is annoying enough, but the magazine's social media people couldn't resist really stepping in it:

If you need help talking with the children in your life about the aftermath of Iranian Gen. Qasem Soleimani's killing, @timeforkids has a guide to explaining the topic https://ti.me/2N2Yf4w 

We realize this is a difficult topic to explain to kids. TIME for Kids is here to help. The guide below offers talking points for how to answer questions about this tough topic. It’s not intended to be used as a script. It’s meant to arm you with the information you need if you choose to bring up the topic or if kids ask questions about it. Trust your instincts. You know your kids best. Use that knowledge to gauge the depth and breadth of your discussion. 

Sometimes, it’s best to let a child take the lead and only answer the questions that are asked. Often, brief and simple answers can satisfy a child’s curiosity.

The notion that anyone at work in the coastal media bubbles is in a position to dispense parenting advice is patently absurd, as evidenced by just these two paragraphs.  Conservative Twitter wasted no time in pouncing on this lunacy. The responses to the tweet alone are a lot of fun to read. Here's a sample.......

"Remember that time you put a hot dog in the microwave without poking holes in it with a fork?" https://twitter.com/TIME/status/1214569882370613249 … 

My 4 year old Grandson just asked me "Papa, what is Time magazine and why do they think I need comforting over the death of a terrorist leader?" I just smiled and everybody in the place clapped. 

I’m having trouble explaining to them how @time is an American magazine. https://twitter.com/time/status/1214569882370613249 … 

Actually I'm going to need help talking with my children about the collapse of American journalism & @TIME is a prime example. https://twitter.com/time/status/1214569882370613249 …

The coastal media types are so cocooned in groupthink that there is virtually no one at any of these outlets to look at something like this article and tweet and realize the potential for backlash.

~ Thank You MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~